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       The scene suckers' monthly guide to the newest rumours and news.
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               [::::::::::::::REALiTY:HURTS:::::::::::::::::]
               [::WHY:DO:SCENE:SUXX:?::WE:HAVE:THE:ANSWER!::]
               [::EDITORS:ARE:::KLOPMAN:+:TARR:::OF:::FIRG::]
               [:WE:SEE:EVERYTHING!:YOU:CAN'T:KEEP:SECRETS!:]

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    The scene suckers' monthly guide to the newest rumours, news and more!
 <===========================================================================>

Contents:             1. No Scene News & No Rumours         [these..things]
~~~~~~~~~             2. Fuckery                            [will.make you]
                      3. No Interviews                      [..go.crazy!..]
                      4. No Charts
                      5. No Distribution Sites
                      6. No Closing Words

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   RAGEFiRG -  You can FAKE/NUKE this file, but you can't FAKE/NUKE reality!
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._______________________.
|   : |     | | | |     |
|   . |  :--| | | |   `-|
| .   |  ;--| : ; |--'  |
| :   |     |     | taR^|
`-----------------------'

1. No Scene News & No Rumours
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[TARR's comment: everything you wanted to know about your favorites!]


+++ Did you know, that the Majic 12 demos contain scanned pictures ?     R
    You can read the SM signature under many pictures. It means that     e
    it was made with scanner.  SM stands for ScanMan.  This is not a     m
    joke, Maxwood told us this.                                          e
                                                                         m
+++ Could you ever imagine that Ratt/Grif is gipsy?  He was  proud of    b
    it, as I've heard from many sources.  Anyway,  he  is a cool guy,    e
    but don't let him use your computer, because  he  can format your    r
    hard disk as he did with Tomcat/Abaddon's  at  the Hammering'94 !
                                                                         w
+++ Jeskola!Productions can't do anything by themself. They used many    h
    times Complex coders to make their intros and their  best stuff :    e
    the Semtex City. The name of the programmer is Jmagic. After all,    r
    We think that it's a shit when Jeskola! P. gets  high  ratings at    e
    charts.
                                                                         y
+++ We finally figured out who made the demo called Partouze'94 invi-    o
    tation (to make fun of Future Crew). They were the razor members,    u
    who are actually in Speed.
                                                                         r
+++ Lord Cyrix is a liar. (Believe us!)                                  e
                                                                         a
+++ Pfuusus/Psychosquad has a bad name! The editors tried to find out    d
    out when did he find this name. KLOPMAN said  that  he  found  it
    when he blew his nose. His board has one node and all the editors    i
    of the magazine called PAiN hates him! What a shame!                 t

+++ What a shame!  Petroff/Absolute (who was second at the Assembly94    f
    4chn musiccompo) won a Gravis Ultrasound at  the Scenest'95.  But    i
    the only problem is that he hates PCs like hell. He and  his fri-    r
    ends have terrorized  the  Cache-95 and  the Scenest'95 pc compos    s
    with their extremely butt behaviour. Maybe he burnt the GUS?         t

+++ We think that it's so lame to use  two handles!  One of  the most    !
    disguisting dudes is Dr.Glenz/Krewel Krew. He is Rad Ad/Purge and
    he makes silly demos to make fun of cool dudes under his fake na-
    me. What a sucker!

 That's all for this month. Can you help us to make it happen again?

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                  RAGE - "When the quantity got a name..."
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 |  ._ /  :   |  |   \ |  :  \     \|  |   \ /\     /
 |  |  |      |        \  |    \     \ |      /   /
 /---  .------.taR^----.-------.-----.-.     .----.

2. Fuckery <Whoaa!!>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[TARR's comment: if everybody, who is fucked in this fuckery could start an
anti-rage mag then we could have many fun in fucking each other! Why making
demos and other unneccesary stuffz? Better to found  fuckin'  groups,  they
could be specialized in fuckings...we're waiting the contacts of fuckin-fan
clubs!!]


[::WHY::WE::HATE::YOU::?::]

+++ BYTEAM: Because the coder has too small head, and he wears glasses!
    And of course we hate them, because they've got dual pentium,  what
    is so lame. Fuck.

+++ FUTURE CREW : Because noone can draw in FC. Pixel and Marvel are lame
    and you've better review the drawings of those nasty  motherfuckers !
    And the most disguisting is they are on every chart ! CHART ! Do they
    ever though about trying to say : sorry ... ? Purple Motion  composes
    always the same ! Hear his modules AGAiN!  The same formula, the same
    lame longsynths', the same PATTERNS!  He ripped a module when he  was
    5 years old and he always replays that one. And Psi/Fc isn't  better!
    Doesn't Second Suxxality seem like YO!?????

+++ CAPACALA: First and worst: they've got bad name. How could they  find
    out this shit? Why didn't they figure out a better one?  Maybe  about
    nice vegetables  or  fruits (Orange, Lemon, Melon, Peachy are cool!).
    We suggest them to choose one from these (and  don't  forget the cre-
    dits!): LACAFACA, PACAPACA, CALAPALA, PACLAPLACA, ACAPLACPALAC  (this
    one came from TARR, the others were made by KLOPMAN just to be speci-
    fic.) And if I can remember, they DID terrorize the democompo at  the
    ASM94 with RESETTING their demo at the half. WE KNOW that they wanted
    to fuck up the organizers! That action ruled! Assembly'94  organizers
    suck!

+++ MAJIC 12: Maxwood is obviously a gypsy too.  He lives near Ratt/Grif.

+++ UNICORN: This team stays ninety percently from gypsies. We know, Der-
    ceto is talented...FUCK! No...just mistypeing. He's gypsy, not talen-
    ted..sorry. Anyways, The Guide was cool, but we expected it a diskmag
    rather than a Batchfile. Their BBS is cool, I hope it will start next
    year, but this time they can't install the sbbs. All the members work
    on it, so the guide's next issue will late a few months...

+++ IMPHOBIA: We loved Imphobia9.  Sorry,  another  mistyping,  it sucks!
    Why? Becoz the texts are written by real lamers. All users who log in
    the GENESIS BBS are asked to write articles for Imphobia.  Try  it to
    believe. Btw, Darkness apparently seems to be the best name for  Ivan
    Darky who is the main editor.  Yeah,  I  once  saw him at the Party-3
    where he was trying to reset a computer, but when CTRL-ALT-DEL failed
    to work, he used the ON/OFF switch. BUT!  We  suggest you to discover
    your pc, because it has a button on the front panel called RESET!!!!!

+++ GRIF: We don't wanna make fun of you, because we  love  you  all, but
    you know we don't like gypsies anymore. [TARR's comment: yeah!  check
    out this beavis...haha...chainsaw..yea!yea!] [KLOPMAN: Pull my finger
    dude!]   So, back to the Grifteam: Alma got the  ugliest name in  the
    group, so we start with him. You gotta know that ALMA means APPLE. So
    what? Change your name before we start to suggest you some!  You have
    been warned. Cryptodancer is the only useful member of Grif. He swaps
    techno tapes, so he is perfect for a cool demogroup like Girf.[TARR's
    comment: oh, wie schade, nobody is perfect! Have you ever seen  Cryp-
    todancer's nose????? Ratt is the one and only passing handle...but he
    has better use one 'T'...]  Yeah. So we think Grif has to improve too
    many things. Until then, we won't include them on our charts!

+++ ATOM & COOL-A of PCX: They run the democorner in the PCX magazine. We
    can say that they suck. They are bugzilajmers!  Old  demos,  unusable
    reviews, they can't sense the difference between a scroll and a plas-
    ma. Too bad that all of the non-hungarian guys can't read PCX.

+++ S!P: What a big group! But they have sucking members, for example the
    Lord of Cyrix! He is gayfaced. His board (PointBreak) has only 1 node
    and he uses interlacing to make the board having 9 nodes. Experiments
    proved that on PointBreak 9 of 10 users are Lord of Cyrix locally!!!!
    And i can't repeat enough that he is a liar! Don't  believe  anything
    what he says, thinks or writes! He is lying when he  is  asking some-
    thing! Beware!  By the way: If the Austrian section has an  own  mod-
    player, why the polish section uses GOLDPLAY.OBJ ???  Isn't it funny?
    [TARR's comment: ^^^^^is this nail polish or what?] [He-he.Shit!-KLP]
    We think that Erik Pojar is a very bad handle! Where did he find  it?
    In a cartoon? [TARR's comment: i suggest to change to Henric Gunar or
    Maverick Topmap or Porik Ejar or Tarpik Gajar or Barbic Bangar or Bi-
    lrick Mejar] [KLOPMAN's comment to TARR's comment: some ideas from me
    too: Bip-Bip Kajar, JoPar Erika, or... or....etc]

+++ EMF: I think that there is a very big ripping in their  Asm94 winning
    Verses!!  Did you notice that they RIPPED the duck from 3DStudio!??!!
    I hope that they paid for it for the Autodesk Inc, or  they are  in a
    big trouble!  And what's more: Bill Gates  rules everywhere!  If  you
    make fun of him once more, we'll suggest you to change name (Like  we
    did to PACLAPACLA)!  And you will suffer then...

+++ YOU: You just login to boards, swap offline, chat with lamers, try to
    find your own way on the scene! Why don't you  stop?  You're just di-
    sappointing a lot of people, me and KLOPMAN too! So go back  to  your
    mother! Sell your PC/AMIGA/ZX/C64/PLUS4 or on  what type of  iron  do
    you read this text and sell your mother Lamer Joe maybe you could pay
    your phonebills... [KLOPMAN's comment: But Don't Forget  to Fuck your
    girlfriend every day!] [TARR's comment to KLOPMAN's comment :  better
    try your sister, she is nearer than that fuckin  bitch  you call your
    'girlfriend'...] [KLOPMAN's comment to TARR's  comment  to  KLOPMAN's
    comment : SHUT UP!]

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               FiRG -  RiFG - iRGF - RGFi - FRGi - FiGR - guess
 <===========================================================================>

 4. No Charts
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~
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\   _ |  | |   |   \    |  __ |
 | | \|  . | o | |\/_|  |___ \/  <----[TARR's comment: this means CHARTS!]
 | |_/|  | | | | |   |  |    /
 \----.--.-.---.-.   .--.---.taR^


TOP design demos:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#  Demo                      Group

1. Ascii dreams ][           Remal
2. Textmode strikes.bak      Uh... Can't remember
3. Airframe                  Prime
4. Windows 3.1               Microsoft
5. PointBreak                -ripped-

Wild Chart:
~~~~~~~~~~~

#  Name        Rating   What kind of rating?

1. UNICORN      9o%    Gypsies
2. LORD CYRIX   84%    Lying [scientist counts it since he was born]
3. CRYPTODANCER  8o    Nose in centimeters
4. IMPACT STUD. 78%    Of Non-Europeans [Yellows]
5. E.M.F         63    Verses hangs 63 times out of 63 on my 286.
6. IGUANA        44    Age of coder
7. JESKOLA!PROD  2o    Complex members worx for them
8. ELIJAH/MJ12   13    Happy birthday! [How cool the kindergarden is!]
9. MAJIC 12     12%    Lamename
10.GRIF           3    Number of members

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                Join - FiRG - Sell your soul to the masters!
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\       \ /   |         /        |        \     |          /
 |       |    |  -----\/_____    |   ______\    |   -----\/
 |   o   |    |-----   \   |     |    |     o   |-----     \
/_taR^___|____|________/   |_____|____|_________/__________/


5. No Distribution Sites
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 +++ I SAID NO DISTRIBUTION SITES !!!

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                 FiRG -  We're here, so pray for your wife!
 <===========================================================================>


 6.iNTERViEWS
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~

+++ WiTH PSi OF FUTURE CREW ! [Sensation!!! RAGE LUREZ!!]

TARR- Hello!
PSI - Hello!
TARR- Hogy, s mint?
PSI - Pardon?
TARR- Azt kerdeztem, hogy vagy te goreny!
PSI - OOps! I think i don't understand you clearly!
TARR- Minek csinalsz te ilyen szarokat?
PSI - What?
TARR- Minek szomoritod a nepet a szarjaiddal, azt kerdeztem!!!
PSI - What the hell are you talking about?
KLOP- Mi van, hulye vagy?  Nem erted amit mondok? Suket vagy? PSI suket!!!
PSI - I'm sorry, i can't understand.
KLOP- TARR, szerinted ez suket, vagy mi? Hulye ez?
TARR- Mindketto.
PSI - You are pretty nice dudes, but i'm sorry, but i really can't understand!
KLOP- Szoval ez lenne PSI? Tobbet vartunk tole...
PSI - [he speaks to himself : what's this, joke?] ...
KLOP- Szoval, akkor hagyjuk, kov. honapban majd Purple Motionnal beszelgetunk.
PSI - What's going on?
KLOP- Na szia bugzilajmer... Csezmeg.
TARR- Buzi lajmer....

[we left him alone]

+++ WiTH OCULTO OF iGUANA

TARR   - Hi! First and only question is: why do you have so fucking ugly head?
OCULTO - Please find another topic!
TARR   - So you know it too: that's reality, you are genetic trash!
OCULTO - I said leave me alone!
TARR   - Was your mother a monkey, or what? He?
OCULTO - If you continue this i'll beat you!
KLOPMAN- Do you want a banana?
OCULTO - Argl! I'm not a monkey! I'm not!
TARR   - And do you call your family too? I think they're living in the ZOO!
OCULTO - Leave my family out of this!
TARR   - Ok. Then talk about your family!
OCULTO - Grrrrrrrrr... [he turns on his car]
TARR   - Ok, thank you for the nice answers, see you next week!

[drove away]

 <==========================================================================>
               FiRG -  Please consider registering Terminate!
 <==========================================================================>

7.No Closing Words
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

KLOPMAN:  Offense text kiccks azz!  We like analcore, horseriding, raping
          little animals. If you have found something harmful in this mag
          please think it over again before killing us: we can't  code so
          cool demos, and therefore we have to choose  am another  way to
          waste our time. Remember, we love you all.

TARR:     I don't know what closing words mean. But i join KLOPMAN! Small
          pets rule! Dogsex is a very cool business nowadays.  You  could
          sell videos or living animals for millions of dollars. I  think
          i could continue collecting money in dogsex.

KLOPMAN:  Coming soon: RAGE - THE MOVIE!

TARR:     Containing : Scene faces(like Oculto/IguanO)fucking dogs, rats,
          Ratts. Fruitsex: Lemon fucking Orange and Peahcy fucking Melon.
          This would be a big Anarchy..and also  would  be  Complex.  Too
          much members fucking at the same time. After this: Rage special
          sado-mazo issue: Purple Motion and Trug are beating each other!

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                 FiRG -  Moral support for @X05PCB @X04Color @X0ACodes@X07
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