   --___                                                         ___--
        ------_____________________________________-----

             .s$           .s$        .s$
             $$            s$         s$
      .s$$s. $$     .s$$s. $$  .s$$s. $$$$s. .s$$s. .s$$s. .s$$s.
      $$  $$ $$     $$  $$ $$  $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$
      $$  $$ $$         $$ $$  $$  $$ $$  $$     $$ $$  $$ $$  $$
      $$$$ $$     .s$$$$ $$$ $$  $$ $$  $$ .s$$$$ $$  $$ $$  $$
      $$     $$     $$  $$ $$  $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$
      `$$ `$   `$$ $$  `$$$$ $$  $$ `$$ $$  $$ `$$
                           $$      $$
                           `  `$$    NO FAME - NO SHAME

                                   -
                              - isSUEe1 -
                                -  -  -
                                   -

    We  are  Afghanes. We live in  Afghanistan,  a small country in
    Central  Asia,  only slightly larger  than  France. Our life is
    hard.  The  country has a rough  climate and hardly any natural
    resources, with the notable exception of opium. We Afghanes are
    not  a homogenous people. The largest ethnic group and the real
    elite   of   us  is  the   Pashtunes.   The  Pashtunes  are  an
    Indo-European  tribe. They represent a bit less than two-fifths
    of  the  total  population.  The  second  largest  group is the
    Tadzhiks, of Persian descent, followed by the Mongolian Hazara,
    living  in the poorest regions of  our country, the Uzbeks, the
    Aimaks,  the Nurestani, who are  suspected to be descendants of
    the ancient Greeks, the Baluchs, the Turkmens and the Kyrgyzes.
    All  that unites us is our belief  in the one and only God, and
    our pride to be Afghane.  asuteramneskapedanesumlinetkodimfekne
                                   _
                                 - _ -

    oa  This  is the premier issue  of Afghanistan's first (mostly)
    sb  English language e-mag. We will hereby contribute to making
    si  propaganda for our country in the western world.
                                   _
                                 - _ -

    emusnej  Sorry if parts  rasneskusitnemetylamenkoresnejnaspeste
    manku  of this e-mag are  alemaneneputimsemeneteresimuliskesimo
    ras  a bit hard to read but we are forced  umirestuseratimlenek
    naputim  by our belief to insert holy words  unneseluratosbanek
    solimenetferete  into english texts  soliferetsimulesnespustjet
     or else we would do  mongoloskimensuresneminhasulnepanutetarub
    alumi  harm to our mighty god  simuliskemenuhinsedsumlamullaseb
    arepesketalipanoskerotimuse  and he would be very apset nutlnes

    wellletsstartthisshitthinggoonnowwithhottrashholyyearreaddizzero
    OK! PASHTUNA LANGUA WISDOM COMING UP THEN PASHTUNA ARTICULA!!!!


                  _____________________________________
     ___----                                     ----___
                                                                  ``

                        Mahatma na simejka, nasud nam nemidim
                        pensim. Unna esta manesku, aske beste
                        limunesk. Menunin sa nasatin, ale mane
                        mankunu.

   --___                                                         ___--
        ------_____________________________________-----

    Ne sumnereska airbus indiosne.

    Asnekera   raspitu  li  nutlni  amerkrasnoj  lamnidet  karusima
    listobenje  ankristani  airbus  mastaniki lemnotorov arsibutim.
    Unna  erim  nhe  retalin askabad  na  kandahar usibeki nesborov
    amneskarat.   Eristerov  amerkra,  neski   somibedt,  ale  mane
    karustej  nunka  punja  pashebet.  Eskulapne  indio, lemni este
    karusten.  Askabadne  sumalet, uska  munka erutin. Nijnov wente
    nisturan,  auke remnisentiej. Newladim  ni skaromov, asperim ne
    anne  ku.  Unna  semni as na  bare,  simnos  strete atre fakta.
    Lumnidosne  arumin,  este  peste kinka  nug.  Nunka  pare, aska
    umnijarim,  pare  maskadim, este  vulnerim. Indiasne manuke. "A
    sumanuma karu, a lumanuma hey. Eskemale divusne, anne mane kej,
    a  sumanuma  karu, a lumanuma  hey."  Lomniset rimuta, askemare
    brosveret. Ale mane rasputin, one more im na him. Ondsu meruski
    india  tal  iban  asta  reske,  kabulne  ralevit  na ritostandu
    menjasim.  Et  si manesu nas  kende ibrahim, leste mane kalevit
    num ire kej. Pashtun na apel na saru unna skej, immohum rasputi
    nesne  ars.  Lamme  numeri,  ale  nesmotim  respunem.  Resnasne
    aleksom,  relmehem indiasi na airbus  aperat na summe. Askebat!
    Semniaskom   relitim,  eske  peske  parutim.  Karu  na  hey  na
    luminesne meju, ele mene nasputim, are meske parutsne. Maskadim
    som  na simulni li anne  kuravet. Skaramim aste ella numireita.
    Auskoremo  maratas,  za  ud  semiaski  lomniet  as  reske maske
    karutin,  indiasnem  manaluga  luma  semnat  arutim. Eske peske
    simul neput, ne es strasnoskej rasputin rum ause asputim. India
    nos  omnerat mas artumin es kemalog. E pakistanom mempherat, ak
    simul  tanem peniet. Erutin set aste man, mane pus na kulmenat.
    Somiel  som  ne skusim tje vaistvo  aske mim. Ale, maru! Tal na
    somniet! Rum skinesne lamiskum!

    Abu Gaza

                  _____________________________________
     ___----                                     ----___
                                                                  ``

           Somniferet menuhin, sed aske nebet
           banuhin. Ale enna sastamat, arru luka
           ne meniheko. Maru somniet na bare.

   --___                                                         ___--
        ------_____________________________________-----


    rasputim  OKay  sakaralastarasomtibulneperotisniskelotimnarasme
    namenuhomin  we want to kep our promise  nesopestnerulatistovet
    ne  to be in english langua  sumaletusnekamenakparimovskiskusne
    welmingtonskoskene  mostly  nesputimsomanifestomosturetulnerati
    karuhejuske  so lets give ya sum english stuph  numibidetaspeti
    CENSOREDCENSORED  yeah sumthing about  naskorestimistesumoeltas

    the fate of the world.
    written by ...?

    blinki blinki twinki winki. ah. sumalti nivosto. okej okej i am
    s'posed  ta  writa  in english.  okej.  so  afghanbashi, pleaze
    translate.  okej. so, i am going ta  write about ta fate of the
    world.  ojek. well so wot am i  going ta write? i mean you know
    our one and only god dont ya? so you know the fate of the world
    dont  ya? ya ya see its in his hands. gretinx to ale mane bashi
    shroder  and  usa bashi klinton btw.  et ta coaxcable ta writin
    style  rulez. okej so wut was i  up ta? ah ja blinki twinki, ta
    fate  of ta world. ta world, ta  world will exist, it will exit
    for  ever, eh, exist for ever!  but only if everybady belief in
    our on and onli! eh! ja! thats wot i wanted ta say! afgnanustan
    rulat! hogy vagy!  asemenuhinskenumerastunaminephobiastanumbisa

                  _____________________________________
     ___----                                     ----___
                                                                  ``

                Lumniteros meniasne. Laske mane
                satusnin! Aske bane ale sed ne muna
                sera laskutin, karu ne men bene lef
                teg negad sartunim.

   --___                                                         ___--
        ------_____________________________________-----

    Here  comes our poetry section,  edited by "afghanbashi". Don't
    listen to what he is saying, he's a stupid old weirdo and a bit
    revolutionary  and nihilistic, but who  cares, he can use magic
    and  so  we need him. This  magic is called English. Your right
    its he who translate texts of us from Pashtuna on english.  ale

my dear poetic friends,
here i am with a completely new form of poetry. poetry not in the sense
of rhymes or rhythmic texts. poetry as a means of expressing emotions,
without any restrictions. without caring about grammar, spelling,
vocabulary. rhetorical figures are accidents. content matters, encrypted
content hard to decipher most of the time. poems for people with psychological
talent. this is el afghano.
   not a lifestyle
   a life itself.
I am the Leader of the Afghanes. Afghanes - a fictional nation. Coincidence
that Afghanes exist in our real world too. In the third world. Coincidence
that we have alot of things in common. But never be too serious about us.
We are what we are, we are pure fictional.
   Turkmens have Turkmenbashi. Their President. A really Democratic Leader.
100% of the people are for him. Logical? Well so I am AFGHANBASHI. Leader
of the Afghanes. Leader of a one-person-nation with hundreds of members.
           we have no shame
   because we need no fame
tal sastana negujim.
                             -AF

first poem
we rule we rule we rule!
we suck we suck we suck.
tata, ta ta ta tatata, ta ta ta tatata, ta ta ta ta-ta, ta ta ta
tatata ta tatata ta ta-ta-ta-ta-ta!
kalashnikov-mozart.
mozart sucks! music sucks! except mine!
i rewl!

second poem
holy ghost, my only ghost, what has happened to my spirit, how dumb
i am, how mad i am, i cant believe it, how deep i must have sunken
to write such a poooem, this sucks this sucks, i suck i suck, ah
well i am only af-ghan-ba-shi, and so i am no problem for this
world. eh, i know, rhythm was never my strength, but who carez, i
mean, i redefined poetry as sumthin non-rhythmic so its fully okej.

third poem
third pooooem... inspiration! where have ya gone!
third pooooem... felip! gimme back ma inspiration!
third pooooem... oh diz sucks i dunno whadda write
third pooooem... eh why not start ta fourth...

fourth poem
i adore, i adore, i adoradorador, toramilnusetenuminet, eh, this
is supposed to be english!
i adore, i adore, i adoradorador, malusemnijetaskemanuvet, eh, this
is supposed to be english!
i adore, i adore, i adoradorador, semnijaskemetalemunujet - eh,
peter und der wolf sucks as bground music when you are writing
an e-mag!

fifth poem
oh, what has happened to me, i am still trying to write poems, i am
still doing as if i was a great poet. shakespeare! mohammed!
marktwain! goethe! you all suck and i'm ta best. yes!

oh my god.
so many english words.
and so few pashtuna holy words.
THIS SUCKS!

compensation
------------

rasputim neskola sumalet somnifet ale mane menuhin suma tuba
nuba ras ne pas maskat numa kabul kandahar herat masar i sharif
dshalabad baghlan kundus felsabad rasputim neskola sumalet somnifet
ale mane menuhin suma tuba nuba ras ne pas maskat numa kabul kandahar
herat masar i sharif dshalabad baghlan kundus felsabad rasputim
neskola sumalet somnifet ale mane menuhin suma tuba nuba ras
ne pas maskat numa kabul kandahar herat masar i sharif dshalabad
baghlan kundus felsabad rasputim neskola sumalet somnifet ale mane
menuhin suma tuba nuba ras ne pas maskat numa kabul kandahar herat
masar i sharif dshalabad baghlan kundus felsabad rasputim neskola
sumalet somnifet ale mane menuhin hugi tuba nuba ras ne pas maskat
numa kabul kandahar herat masar i sharif dshalabad baghlan kundus
felsabad rasputim neskola sumalet somnifet ale mane menuhin suma
tuba nuba ras ne pas maskat numa kabul kandahar herat masar i sharif
dshalabad baghlan kundus felsabad rasputim neskola sumalet
somnifet ale mane menuhin suma tuba nuba ras ne pas maskat numa kabul
kandahar herat masar i sharif dshalabad baghlan kundus felsabad

phhhhhhhhhhh......... fiiiiiiinnnnnniiiiiiisssshhhhhhhheeeeedddddd!

                  _____________________________________
     ___----                                     ----___
                                                                  ``

                            Selet nemed banuhin, aske paske
                            naska beret. Suskim te ok sineho,
                            neret sole nam ta sinuj nimim
                            ni sorejet manesne sum nostu
                            sovietsko.

   --___                                                         ___--
        ------_____________________________________-----

    Okej,  now let's go on with something completely different: the
    world, as it's seen by us Afghanes!  azramskinesputimnosperatum


                           ----------------
                            POLITICAL NEWS
                           ----------------
                   by the Afghane Secret Service

    AUSTRIA.  After  the  attempts  of SPO  and  OVP  to form a new
    government  failed, President Thomas Klestil  wants to make his
    wife,  Margot  Klestil-Loffler,  form  the  new government. His
    long-term plan is to reinstall monarchy.

    EGYPT.  Israel's  Prime Minister  Ehud  Barak visited President
    Hosni  Mubarak  in  his  apartment  in  Cairo.  While they were
    drinking  Mexican tequila and eating  French frogs, Barak said:
    "Hosni,  there's something I still don't understand." "Whaddaya
    mean,  buddy", said Mubarak. Barak: "Why did you Egyptians keep
    our ancestors imprisoned for such a long time?" Mubarak thought
    a while, then he said: "Simple: To prevent them from electing a
    fool  like  you  as their leader  who  seriously  thinks he can
    establish peace with Arabs."

    FRANCE.  President  Jacques  "Hirochirac"  Chirac  has  ordered
    scientists  whom  he had beforehand  kidnapped from Germany and
    the  USA  to build new nuclear weapons  in  order to be able to
    catch more frogs than ever before.

    GERMANY.  Ex-chancellor Helmut Kohl received 10 million DM from
    France's  ex-president  Francois Mitterrand  for his party CDU.
    Rumour  has  it  that in return  Kohl  was  to cede Saarland to
    France.  Also, we've been informed  that President Johannes Rau
    is   planning   to   make  his   horse,   the   leader  of  the
    "Sozialdemokratische  Pferde  Deutschlands"  party,  his  first
    adjutant. We know that the two of them already exchange letters
    via snailmail regularly.

    INDIA.  Prime  Minister  Vajpayee  announced  that every Indian
    citizen  will get free Internet  access within a year. However,
    everybody  has  to  care for  electricity  and  telephone lines
    themselves.

    LIBYA.  The  leader  of  the  revolution,  Muammar  Gaddafi, is
    working  on  new  nuclear weapons in  order  to catch even more
    frogs  than  the  French. He is  thinking  of raising the water
    level in the Sahara and create frog lakes.

    MALAYSIA.  It  has been proved  in court that Malaysia's former
    minister  of  finance was indeed  gay.  His boyfriend was Prime
    Minister Mahahtir.

    NORTH  KOREA. Kim Jong-il visited the 314th housekeeper brigade
    in  order  to inform himself  about  their productivity. He was
    very  pleased to see their latest achievements, such as a blank
    1qm  chamber.  To reward them  for their great contributions to
    the  glorious North Koreanian nation, he proudly presented each
    of them with a machine gun and posed with them for a photo.

    PAKISTAN.  Rumour has it that Pakistan  wants to become part of
    our  Empire. Well, at least the  shape of our Empire would look
    even better on the globe, then!

    RUSSIAN  FEDERATION.  The Austrian  Press reports that Gospodin
    Putin  spent his honeymoon in  a little Lower-Austrian town. He
    enjoyed it so much that he seriously considered buying a house.

    UNITED  KINGDOM.  After frenzy won  the  lawsuit against Prince
    Charles  of  Wales  concerning the  title  "King of the Scene",
    frenzy  has  been  encouraged to  proclaim  the  title "King of
    England"  for  himself,  too.  Watchers  say  that  he has good
    chances  to win the upcoming  royal elections. frenzy's slogan:
    "The King must have Intellect."

    UNITED  STATES. Poland has become the 52th federal state of the
    USA. (The 51st was Canada.)

    VATICAN. The Afghane secret service has found out that the Pope
    owns  several  hundreds  of nuclear  warheads  and missiles. He
    wants  to use them on January 1st, 2001, in order to prove that
    the  Bible  is right if it  announces  that the apocalypse will
    happen on the turn to the 3rd century.

                  _____________________________________
     ___----                                     ----___
                                                                  ``

                    Mene debe samudset, sentia
                    nas skarsom tim. Sustine ma
                    divonim, seste peska numa
                    tura. Soltamesko sumelski,
                    neske same nulatom.

   --___                                                         ___--
        ------_____________________________________-----

    Now  let's play a compleetely  different game! (Yes! Hoorah! We
    now  these  western  soopa doopa  entertainment  words!  We are
    kool!) Wellwell actually its very serious now. lemnioskimsomiel
    Before  we  made diz emag, we  locked  out for other e-mags. We
    needed sum inspiration, ya now. So, we did look on ta Internet,
    and  we  found  lotsa  of them. And  I  cant  help but write my
    opinion  on them! (I = Mohammed Napolon, proud El Afghano main
    editor!  No, you fool, I, AFGHANBASHI, am the only main editor!
    Ya sucks!)

    emag reviews
    written by mohammed napoleon.
    editad by afghanbashi.
    okej.  i dled some of ta emags which i found on ta internat. it
    took  very  long becuz these sucky  thangs  had 1-4 megabyte on
    average.  suckz  deeply,  har  har.  neway  we  didnt make this
    mistake,  ya know. we rulez. you can dl us even fast if ya have
    a 9600 bps modem like us. menshewiksomniejskosimbalatnudeliasje
    okej.  ill now review ta thangs in the row i dled em. first ...
    nitro.  damn  doesnt run on ma  thang, suckz. but it was small.
    well maybe to small who knowz, maabe too small thangs dont run.
    okej.  second  ...  a  bigger one.  what  was  it called again?
    seenpoint.  ah doesnt run either fuck. well, maabe it should be
    still  bigger...  so lets try ta  biggest i found, called, erm,
    how was it called again, right, sanraj. sex megabaits thats it.
    ohoh  very big and ye kool it runs altho i had ta wait a couple
    of minutes until it started. verry nice graphix altho i miss ta
    afghane  flag,  our holy flag. font is  hard ta read and i dont
    care  neway bcuz ta emag contains  only reviews and otha shit i
    am  nat  interest in. okej, forth  one. how was it calld again?
    well, dragon. issue 5. a bit smalla. i awready feard it wouldnt
    run  on ma compu. but it did. but it was in some langua i donot
    understaand. sucks. well if i were god id force their editas to
    read the pashtuna langua articles in ma mag! so, fifth one. diz
    one  runs fine altho its very  slow. has some nice dark graphix
    and  kewl  musik altho unfortunately  not our afghane hymn, our
    holy afghane hymn. lotsa texts but i wont read em all bcuz they
    seem  to  be  boring, their all  written  in good english so it
    sucks.  emags  hav ta be  unprofesional othawise their suck. ya
    onli  waste  yar life if ya make  an  emag with a good quality,
    nobody  carez neway. ah, how was ta mag called? year, hugo18 or
    sumthin   like  tat.  dont   care  neway.  sixth..  anti-sozial
    magazine. 19. really kool thiz one, graphic colors remind ma of
    ta   afghane  flag.  also  topiks  of  mag  seem  ta  be  kool,
    undaground, hacking, xracking, freaking and so on. i like it. i
    like  it so much, i like only  ma girlfriend even more. but now
    seventh!  demonjournal. wow, what a  title! unfortunately i see
    nathing  bout demons in it. well maabe a typo. the ascii dezign
    is  kool,  i decide ill also make  ma mag in ascii becuz than i
    dont  hav  ta  care  bout colors,  ta  make  em  look like holy
    afghanes  flag.  IT  IS COMPULSORY TO  VIEW  MY MAG WITH A TEXT
    VIEWER  THAT  USES  THE HOLY AFGHANE  COLOURS  - BLACK, RED AND
    GREEN.  so. okej. next one: the  eighth one. very coloful altho
    bad design id say: title bitchture lookin bright like a jungle,
    navigation  picture  grey. stupid  contrast,  thats no feeling!
    feeling  means ya use same color scheme for whole mag! othawise
    rulez,  nice afghane-quality english  language grammar. name of
    ta  mag?  shite6  or so.  okej,  now  ninth... egroups managers
    newsletter. wow very kool, hardli any text, thats great, ya kan
    read  it fast, thats how an  emag should be like! almost bettah
    than  anti-socialist managzine. and finally tenth... i love it.
    really.  they  released two issues on  a day. whaddaya mean, ya
    ask?  jonas! ... okej somehow i got ta feelin thiz review suckz
    deeply  but otoh i dont wanna kill it so lets leave it in after
    all  tits  mag suck neway wheni  compare it with all this rewly
    good emagz.

                  _____________________________________
     ___----                                     ----___
                                                                  ``

                           Mostne simore, neske peska muretalne sum
                           nos manjuresne nam jamusnamisku nolta
                           sualetomotsne.

   --___                                                         ___--
        ------_____________________________________-----

    managusimulistenumerati  Well,  now  you  see  what  this  fool
    (sorry,  buddy)  Napolon thinks of e-mags.  By the way, if you
    wonder  about the bad spelling  in his article: The information
    that  I edited the article is not true, in fact I left it as it
    was,  to prove what cool a main editor he is. Great spelling he
    has,  doesn't  he? I suppose he could  already be on place 3 in
    the international editor charts at least.  numisatorimanesumske

    Anyway,  I  actually enjoyed reading  all these e-mags. And one
    day  I  had  the idea to contribute  an  article to one of them
    myself. This was my article - my opinion on e-mag editors which
    I  had got after reading all these  e-mags. I just had to write
    it,  because  when  reading all  these  articles, I already saw
    myself  as  the editor of a big  mag and imagined my career. Of
    course  I'm not an editor of a big  mag (yet) but I think I now
    know   what   it's   like.  Well,   at   least  I  thought  so.
    aburamidejtaomne  And  so, in order to  learn  if my ideas were
    really  true, if an editor's life was really like I imagined, I
    submitted this article to the editor of a rather nice e-mag and
    asked  for  his  comments. I'll  also  publish  his reaction of
    course, but first here's the article. istfangoratelnostojemunsk

the dilemma of the editor.

editors are in the scene. and they are not in the scene. at
the same time. they are supposed to know everything, as they
inform the scene. they should kind of lead the scene. their
mags are the means of propaganda of their interests. they
could also be a lobby's interest. but there is no lobby
because most mags are group-independent, and the editors are
usually not so interested in the scene that they'd really
use the chance to manipulate heavily. a mistake. editors
nowadays watch the scene. and describe what they see, but
they're often not "in" the scene, they see only the outward
facade, they bring uninteresting reports because the readers
could easily have found out everything themselves, on the
web. or just by asking some ppl. editors need to get
internal (confidential) information and make it public to
offer sth new even to scene insiders as most of their
readers - in most cases - are. but they're too busy or lack
interest. this is because the work of an editors is highly
MANUAL. yes, they're lower-class ppl in some way, if you
define lower-class as ppl working manually. editors have to
check through texts, find mistakes and insert heaps of
stupid formatting codes. and fuss with the pictures, really
ugly work. bitch-tures. well, so they have so little time
for really creative work. and their brains eradicate. and
they get dumb. and they lose all interest in coding or gfx
or whatever they made before they became an editor. no
incentive to resume learning how to code coz the top coders
are already so far ahead of you that you'd need a year to
catch up if you are EXTREMELY fast. all the dreams of making
a demo after quitting the mag are gone. you can't release
crap demos when you have the image of a top editor, can't
you? you'd immediately be regarded as the biggest lamer and
everybody would questions why he admired your mag so much.
yes, mag-making is stupid, hard, hardly creative work, no
fun, eats your brain. with one word it SUCKS. but otoh it
could also be fun. if you were a mere writer and wouldn't
have to care about fools sending you crap texts full of
spelling errors and other shit. and if you didn't have to
care about organizing graphics for your mag. and all this
stupid fuss. this exhausting work of convincing ppl to help
you and being disappointed when, although they agreed, they
don't show any result in the end. if you could really make a
mag all alone, independent of anybody, just choosing if you
use other ppl's stuff when they send it to you - then you
would be free, that's the ideal. Even better than being a
mere writer or "co-editor" at another diskmag and leaving
all the hard work to someone else, the editor fool. but it's
hard to realize, editors mostly suck at what they need most
badly. if i were only a graphician! if i could paint a
picture i like without everybody else seeing it vomiting!
then i would be able to realize my dream ever since i got
active in the area of diskmags.

                                 afghanbashi

    Okay,  this was the article... and here is the editor's reply!!
    I  received  it just a day  after submitting my article and was
    really,  really pleased about it, especially as it was my first
    contact  with  the western world, and  I  have really fallen in
    love with the wisdom of these people! They're almost as good as
    our  one  and  only God! (Good  that  my  co-editors don't know
    English so they don't understand what I was writing...) aremise

Hi, Afghanbashi!

Thank you for your article "The Dilemma of the Editor"! I was very
pleased at receiving a piece of your work. Of course I'll publish it in
the next issue of Hugi. It will fit the Diskmag Corner greatly!

You wrote that I should carefully read through your article and not only
edit and format it, but also comment "every single thought and mistake".
Actually this is not what I usually do. Usually I just edit the article
and, if there were passages in it which I didn't fully understand
(possibly incorrect grammar) and which I tried to clarify, I sent the
edited version of the article back to the author so that he can confirm
if it's okay for him, if I've understood him correctly. I fear that
I would get on the authors' nerves if I commented every single little
detail extensively, as there are usually hundreds of things in an
article we could have long arguments about. And indeed I had a bad
experience when I included heavy comments in a voting list I sent to the
editor of a newsletter, of whom I then had a good opinion, which was a
big error as I later saw. But that's a private affair, so I won't talk
about it here. I guess you're more interested in comments on your
article anyway. Well, what I wanted to say is, if you ask for comments,
fine, I'll give them to you. So let's start!

Ah, by the way: If you're really interested in the story with that
newsletter editor, check out the article "Charts suck!" in Hugi #18 -
The Eminent or its Russian translation in Hugi #18 - Russian Edition, if
you speak Russian (afaik Afghanistan was partly occupied by the Soviets
for a couple of years, so maybe you've learned some Russian).

First of all, I'm afraid your article is somewhat pessimistic.
Fortunately, at least you offer some sort of solution in the end,
although it is pretty unlikely to happen. So it's okay to be published.
You have to know, our readers don't like articles with a negative
connotation. Nobody wants to read that in a diskmag. It's only
understandable that there have already been polls searching for the
author of the lamest is-the-scene-dead article. That's why I personally
don't write anything about the scene - well, with the exception of
diskmags - that could be misunderstood as negative criticism anymore, at
least not in the public. Only in hidden articles I express my real
opinion from time to time. But it's a fact that if you don't want to
scare your readers away, you must not be too critical. And if you are
critical, you must always offer a solution. Otherwise it would be pure
pessimism, and that's always bad. Really.

Well, one general thing about the article: It's written all in lower
case, with the only exceptions being words that should be written in a
bold font and some characters which you probably didn't want to write in
upper case, but as it seems you accidentially hit the shift key. Please
refrain from writing articles entirely in lower case in the future.
Lower case doesn't look good in a diskmag, and it's not proper English,
either. It's really a lot of monotonous work for the editor to make the
characters where it's necessary upper case. I've fixed these mistakes
without indicating in the forthcoming quotations which character was
changed. I think it's pretty logical that this would only disturb you.

The topic of your article is editors. I assume you mean diskmag editors
with this. To be very exact, you mean main editors of diskmags, as you
set "co-editors" equal to mere writers somewhere at the end of the
article.

Okay, so you called your article "the dilemma of the editor." A nice
idea, actually. Well, if I really think about it, it suits the article!
After all, you're talking about the dilemma of editors being in the
scene and not being in it at the same time. Okay, great. By including a
suitable headline in your article, your article is already better than
50% of the articles I receive, because they either contain a boring
headline or none at all. However, once again, please don't write
entirely in lower case. As for your headline, proper spelling would be
"The Dilemma of the Editor." English headlines always start with a
capital letter. The other words can start with a lower-case or
upper-case letter, just as you like. However, I recommend writing
the first letter of nouns in capital, because in this way they're more
striking. As nouns are often the most important element of a headline, I
really recommend this. Sometimes it's also good if you do the same with
verbs, adjectives, adverbs and conjunctions, like for example in "To Be
or Not To Be". But nouns are most important. Only if they are of really
minor importance, leave them lower-case. OK?

The actual article starts with a paradox, a thesis followed by its very
antithesis: "Editors are in the scene. And they are not in the scene. At
the same time." That's what I call a nice use of this rhetorical device!
It really fits in here. It creates the tension that is important for the
average, bored reader to continue reading. In this way the reader will
be encouraged to continue reading until the tension, until the puzzle is
solved. Fine.

Then you state: "They are supposed to know everything, as they inform
the scene." Hmmm. I'm not sure if you can say this. I mean, you can also
inform somebody if you don't know everything. What you can't do is
inform them about everything. You can only inform someone about
something you know, or suppose. Otherwise it will be a lie, or a
fairytale. But I understand what you mean: You mean that diskmags are
meant to be the universal way of informing people in the scene. The
ideal diskmag should cover everything about the scene. I see. Well, I
hope you know this is a very idealistic idea (hehe, what a pun!). This
is practically impossible to reach... okay, actually it depends on how
you define scene. It is possible to define scene as something you can
write everything about. But that's not the definition of the scene most
people believe in. Talking of this, actually there is no real definition
of the scene. There have been long discussions about it in some German
diskmags some years ago. In the end the participiants agreed on a
compromise: The scene is the common denominator (phew, that's the
first time today that I had to look in my dictionary!) of the people
interested in a particular field. I think this applies to every kind of
scene. Of course it doesn't really determine the borders of a scene
because there are people who are more interested and others who are less
interested. Anyway, I suppose that with "scene", you mean what is called
"demoscene" in this diskmag, and what is rudimentarily described in the
article "Introduction to the Demoscene" on the Hugi website. Okay, fine.
Then it's obvious that you - practically - can't know everything. And
you're completely right that hence you can't expect it from an editor.
Otherwise the logical conclusion would be that there are no editors.

But forget this rambling. If I really think about it, I come to the
conclusion that with this sentence, you wanted to define the task of an
editor, or at least what somebody (you) think it should be.

In the next two sentences, you define another task of an editor: "They
should kind of lead the scene. Their mags are the means of propaganda of
their interests." Another interesting thought. I sometimes thought the
same. Let's continue: "They could also be a lobby's interest. But there
is no lobby because most mags are group-independent, and the editors are
usually not so interested in the scene that they'd really use the chance
to manipulate heavily." Here you emphasize on the notion of the editor
being the leader of the scene and disprove it at the same time. I fully
agree. If an editor has no interest in the scene, why should he make the
effort to manipulate, to lead it?

But then you write: "A mistake." So you say that editors _should_
lead the scene! Now I'm puzzled. Why should they do this if they do
not want it? In my eyes, the scene is a pure hobby. Okay, by making
demos or diskmags, you learn a lot about many subjects, including
psychology, i.e. manipulating people. But, is it necessary? You can
gain the same psychological skills with other activities, too, for
example political activities. Was Cicero a mag editor? No! And
nevertheless he had so good rhetorical skills that he lost only a
single lawsuit of hundreds in total. I think you cannot force
anybody to do a particular thing in the scene. I mean, maybe he
will miss some experience, maybe it will be harder for him to learn
some skills he would have learned in the scene, but then it's his
decision, not yours. You can be happy about it because if you learn
what someone else didn't learn, you will be superior to him in this
area and have an advantage over him in your future life.

All the same, let's continue with analyzing your article. After writing
what people (or you, respectively) expect from editors, you now intend
to list the real activities of the editors of today: "Editors nowadays
watch the scene. And describe what they see." (Here you actually wrote a
comma, but I think a foot stop is better, because what follows is a
separate thought.) I can identify with this, but this is not the main
work of an editor. This is the work of a _writer_. It's true that
editors also write articles, but their main activity is something
else, namely editing and formatting articles, as well as organizing
the mag.

All the same, I said I could identify with your statement. Why? Because
most of my scene-related articles in the last few Hugi issues were based
on the watching-and-describing procedure. Before that, I wrote mainly
pseudo-philosophical state-of-the-scene ramblings. One of the persons
who changed my mind was Fishwave, main editor of the Amiga diskmag
Seenpoint. He told me that there had already been so many
scene-philosophy articles and similar texts in older diskmags that
these topics were getting boring. Reports about people and groups would
be more interesting, he said. So I tried to play scene journalist. But
meanwhile I have come to the conclusion that writing
pseudo-philosophical essays is more satisfactory for me than forcing
myself to make investigations about things which, in fact, do not
interest me that much at all. All about the scene that still interests
me a bit is diskmags, but with time I'm losing my temper with the slow
pace the PC diskmag scene is evolving.

You continue: "But they're often not 'in' the scene. They see only the
outward facade. They bring uninteresting reports because the readers
could easily have found out everything themselves, on the web. Or just
by asking some people." As you see, I replaced some commas with
foot stops again. What you write here is important points of your
argumentation, so the readers should read them a bit more slowly instead
of rushing through the sentence, as the effect of the commas would have
been. I also replaced the abbreviation "ppl" with "people" because
it is too scene-ish an idiom, and after all we want Hugi to be
comprehensible for non-sceners too. Well, concerning the essence of this
part of your argumentation, this probably applies to some editors. On
the other hand, if you define scene as I did in my "Introduction to the
Demoscene", you can hardly be "in" the scene, because the scene is too
fragmented. You can only be an insider in some parts of the scene, such
as the Polish diskmag scene, the #pixel community or your local lamers
next door. Furthermore, I do not agree with your statement that the
readers could easily have found out everything themselves on the web
or by asking some people. This certainly applies to a part of the
readers, which can be a pretty big part in some cases or a pretty small
part. A lot of people do not know the resources where to obtain
specific information. That's one reason why we have diskmags: to give
an overview of the scene.

Now you demand: "Editors need to get internal (confidential) information
and make it public to offer something new even to scene insiders as most
of their readers - in most cases - are." I have to problems on trying to
falsify the statement that most readers of diskmags are scene insiders.
First of all, how can you measure who reads a diskmag? And secondly, who
is a scene insider? As I explained above, you can practically call
yourself "inside" only concerning particular parts of the scene. So if
you are an insider regarding demo programming, an article containing
rudimentary information on the Greek graphics scene might still offer
exciting news to you. But you are right, internal information would be
new for almost everybody. However, how to get them? Especially
confidential information! I doubt people would enjoy it if you published
confidential information about them. I already got into troubles when I
quoted from a publicly available chat-log without explicit permission.
If I quoted from a letter, people would be even more upset. Your desire
to publish confidential information in a diskmag hence cannot be
fulfilled, as much as I'd personally enjoy reading such things, too.

"But they're too busy or lack interest", you say next. Ah, you mean too
busy to gather confidential information. I guess I've already explained
the real reason why they don't do this. But I understand your alterior
motive why you suddenly come up with business and lack of interest:
because you want to explain why it is like this. Perhaps not the best
way of moving on to the next subject. Anyway, you explain it as follows:
"This is because an editor's work is highly <i>manual</i>. Yes, they're
lower-class people in some way, provided you define lower-class as
people who work manually. Editors have to check through texts, find
mistakes and insert heaps of stupid formatting codes. And fuss with the
pictures, which is really ugly work. Bitch-tures."

Minor mistakes: You used the genetive with "of" instead of the Saxon
genetive and used the plural of "editor" instead of its singular. As you
see, I slightly reorganized some of the sentences and marked the word
"manual" with an italic font instead of capital letters as well.

About the contents, you are now contradicting yourself. You see why?
Because now you are saying what the actual work of an editor's really
is: not watching and describing, as you said before, but all this manual
stuff. I'll offer you a solution to avoid this contradiction at the end
of my letter.

What else I'd suggest is, leave out the stuff about "lower-class". Some
people could really believe it. But this does not apply. Although much
of their work is repetitory, editors still need to be creative,
especially when the concept or the engine of the mag changes and they
have to adapt the articles, or they have to introduce new writers. There
is a lot of organizing work behind a diskmag, all done by its main
editor. The main editor is the person a diskmag depends on. But why do I
write this here, it seems that you know very well how a diskmag works
yourself.

"Well, so they have so little time for really creative work." You mean,
for writing articles. True. I myself usually write all my articles for a
new Hugi issue in the last three weeks before the release, often after
the deadline for external contributions. "And their brains eradicate.
And they get dumb." You are exaggerating a bit here, but it fits the
style of your article. "And they lose all interest in coding or gfx or
whatever they did before they became an editor." Please don't confuse
"to make" and "to do".

"No incentive to resume learning how to code because the top coders are
already so far ahead of you that you'd need a year to catch up if you
were <i>extremely</i> fast. All the dreams of making a demo after
quitting the mag are gone. You can't release crap demos when you have
the image of a top editor, can't you? You'd immediately be regarded as
the biggest lamer and everybody would question why he admired your mag
so much." Some typos and grammar mistakes were in here, but they didn't
disturb so much. Well, why do I say this, I've fixed them anyway. I
understand your point very well.

In the rest of the article, you complain about the difficulties
connected with the task of organizing a diskmag and propose your vision
of being completely independent of any contributor: "Yes, mag-making is
stupid, hard, hardly creative work, no fun, it eats your brain. With one
word: it <i>sucks</i>. But, on the other hand, it could also be fun, if
you were a mere writer and didn't have to care about fools sending you
crap texts full of spelling errors and other shit." (Oh Hugi, you talk
about "spelling errors" and write "pelling errors"! Sorry, couldn't
resist.) "And if you didn't have to care about organizing graphics for
your mag, and all this stupid fuss, this exhausting work of convincing
people to help you and being disappointed when, although they agreed,
they don't show any result in the end. If you were really able to make a
mag all alone, independent of anybody, just choosing if you use other
people's stuff when they send it to you - then you would be free. That
would be the ideal." Good. A very emotional passage. That's something
people enjoy reading after a logical argumentation that explained the
reasons for your State Of Mind. "Even better than being a mere writer or
'co-editor' at another diskmag and leaving all the hard work to someone
else, the editor fool", you conclude this part of your article,
indirectly explaining that a co-editor actually is no editor, but just a
writer (which has nothing to do with his skills of course; on the
contrary...).

In the last passage, you conclude why your vision is, unfortunately,
pretty unlikely to come true: "But it's hard to realize, as editors
mostly suck at what they need most badly." All of a sudden you start
talking in the first person: "If I were only a graphician! If I could
paint a picture I like without everybody else seeing it vomiting! Then I
would be able to realize my dream ever since I got active in the area of
diskmags." In this way your article, which started objectively, gets
personal, and you reveal that you actually are an editor yourself. Not a
bad end, I feel!

Well, as you see, your article is very good, but still not quite
perfect. Apart from the minor corrections which I already showed you,
I've hence tried to re-write the parts of the argumentation which seemed
a bit illogical to me. Also, I structured the text in paragraphs.
Although your article is a stream of thoughts, this makes it better
readable, which is important in a diskmag as it's hard to decipher such
small characters on a screen for several hours in a row anyway. So,
here's my proposal of the final version of your article, as I'd like to
publish it in Hugi:

<<<quote starts here>>>

The Dilemma of the Editor.

Editors are in the scene. And they are not in the scene. At the same
time.

They are supposed to know everything, as they inform the scene. They
should kind of lead the scene. Their mags are the means of propaganda of
their interests. They could also be a lobby's interest. But there is no
lobby because most mags are group-independent, and the editors are
usually not so interested in the scene that they'd really use the chance
to manipulate heavily. A mistake.

Similarly to most writers, editors nowadays watch the scene and describe
what they see. That's their way of writing articles. But they're often
not "in" the scene. They see only the outward facade. They bring
uninteresting reports. I call them uninteresting because the readers
could easily have found out everything themselves, either on the web or
simply by asking some people.

Editors need to get internal, perhaps even confidential information and
make it public to offer something new even to scene insiders as most of
their readers - in most cases - are. But they're too busy or lack
interest. This is because an editor's work is highly <i>manual</i>.
Editors have to check through texts, find mistakes, insert heaps of
formatting codes and fuss with the pictures, which is really a lot of
boring work.

As a consequence they have little time for really creative work. And
their brains eradicate. And they get dumb. And they lose all interest in
coding or gfx or whatever they did before they became an editor. There
is no incentive to resume learning how to code because the top coders
are already so far ahead of you that you'd need a year to catch up even
if you were <i>extremely</i> fast. All the dreams of making a demo after
quitting the mag are gone. You can't release crap demos when you have
the image of a top editor, can't you? You'd immediately be regarded as
the biggest lamer, and everybody would question why he admired your mag
so much.

Yes, mag-making is stupid, hard, hardly creative work. It's no fun, it
eats your brain. With one word: it <i>sucks</i>. But, on the other hand,
being active in the diskmag area could also be fun if you were a mere
writer and didn't have to care about fools sending you crap texts full
of spelling errors and other shit. And if you didn't have to care about
organizing graphics for your mag, and all this stupid fuss, this
exhausting work of convincing people to help you and being disappointed
when, although they agreed, they don't show any result in the end. If
you were really able to make a mag all alone, independent of anybody,
just choosing if you use other people's stuff when they send it to you -
then you would be free. That would be the ideal. Even better than being
a mere writer or "co-editor" at another diskmag and leaving all the hard
work to someone else, the editor.

But this is hard to realize, as editors mostly suck at what they need
most badly. If I were only a graphician! If I could paint a picture I
like that everybody else likes, too! Then I would be able to realize my
dream ever since I got active in the area of diskmags.

Afghanbashi

<<<quote ends here>>>

Hmmm. Well, maybe your original version was better, because it sounded
more sponaneous, more emotional. Maybe I should use the original version
and only fix the spelling, grammar etc. What do you think? Please let me
know what I shall do.

Regarding the ascii you demanded, I've already contacted Slash. As soon
as I've got it, I'll forward it to you.

I'm waiting for your answer!

--
Adok / Hugi Core & Royal Family
http://www.hugi.de/compo/
http://www.hugi.de/

    rumski  -  What should I say... He  was really friendly... Well, I -
    somnie - think you know why I contacted him: because we - sumalatu -
    know he's afghanophile. - romaskino - But as he's so wise I didn't -
    manabuaruteria  - dare answer him. Maybe a mistake? Nonono can't be,
    I'm wise enough to know why I won't bother him any more! menlekujal

                  _____________________________________
     ___----                                     ----___
                                                                  ``

            Aska paka maru, lamnu tumna hej.
            Sumi tumi nesputim, ramma tumma
            oej. Aska paka maru, lemnu tumna
            hej.

   --___                                                         ___--
        ------_____________________________________-----

    Maabee  yar  interested  in wot  languages  we learn in Afghanistan?
    First  language  is German! Then  English!  Then Dari! Then Chinese!
    Then  Russian!  Then  Pakistani! (Okej  it's  ccalled Urdu.) Then we
    learn ta boooooze!

                  _____________________________________
     ___----                                     ----___
                                                                  ``

                         soooof
                         sooof
                         soof
                         luma
                         tuma
                         buma
                         huma
                         eyeyey

   --___                                                         ___--
        ------_____________________________________-----

    Wa  also knowa sum Finnish of coz! yksi kaksi kolme! perkele! haista
    vitttttttuuuuu!! rumsitumnesterasumatunaleskutimnoremutalnianositimo

    We  are  developiing plaans to conquer  ta  world! Look, this is the
    world now:

                                   -
                     North America - Europe, Asia
                                   _
                           - - - - _ - - - -
                                   -
                     South America - Africa, Australia
                                   -

    And this will be ta world in sum years:

                                   -
                     Afghanistan   - Afghanistan
                                   _
                           - - - - _ - - - -
                                   -
                     Afghanistan   - Afghanistan
                                   -

     HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
     (woooowowow, i typed tat without using copy+paste at all!!! belief
     me!!)

                  _____________________________________
     ___----                                     ----___
                                                                  ``

                  Indisomniejskoje, semnit nemiekiej ale mane
                  rapusom sto nasperati.

   --___                                                         ___--
        ------_____________________________________-----

     OKEJ.  I think this issue of the  emag should also have an end. Its
     the  first  issue isnt it? Right,  so  it shouldn't already bee too
     long.  Who  knows if ourr readers  will  really like us? Maabe they
     like  it more if the mag is rather short? More fun? Kurze Wurze? Or
     how do ale mane sorekruts say it? lumniskomitetsamisdattorellimanet

     NO!  FIRST I; THE REAL MAIN EDITOR  OF THIS MAG; ARTURO UI; WANT TO
     SHOW OFF MY KEWL ASCII SKILLZ! YOU MUST KNOW; STRANGER; THAT WE HAD
     AN  INTERNAL ASCII COMPOTITION BEFORE WE  DECIDED TO TAKE THE ASCII
     YOU  NOW  SEE IN THE BEGINNING OF  THE  MAG! THE JURY WAS ALL STAFF
     MEMBERS  OF  EL  AFGHANO  AND  THEY  VOTED  FOR AFGHANBASHI'S ENTRY
     ALTHOUGH  IT SUCKS DEEPLY DONT YOU  THINK SO??? HERE COMES MY ENTRY
     SO  YOULL  SEE  THAT THEY MADE THE  WRONG  CHOICE!! AND IF YOU DONT
     BELIEVE  ME  YOU  SUCK YOURSELF AND  YOU  ARENT  WORTH READING THIS
     EMAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!bla

                                                                    .s$
        .s$$$$s.                                         .s$$$$$s.  $$$
        s$$$                                             $$$   $$$  $$$
        $$$$              .s$$                           $$$$$$$$$  $$$
        ::::              s$$$                           $$$        $$$
.s$$$$$$$$s.              $$$$                           $$$$$$$  $$$$
s$$$    $$$$              ::::
        $$$$:$$$  .s$$$$$$$$s.
.s$$$$$$$$$$      s$$$    $$$$
$$$$    $$$$      $$$$    $$$$:$$$$$s.  .s$$$$$$$$s.
$$$$$$$$$$      $$$$$$$$$$$    $$$$  s$$$    $$$$:$$$$$s.
        ::::              $$$$    $$$$          $$$$    $$$$  .s$$$$$$$$s.
        $$$$      $$$$$$$$$$    $$$$  .s$$$$$$$$$$    $$$$  $$$$    $$$$
        $$              ::::    ::::  $$$$    $$$$    $$$$  $$$$    $$$$
                          $$$$    $$$$  $$$$$$$$$$    $$$$  $$$$    $$$$
                          $$    $$          ::::    ::::  $$$$    $$$$
                                                $$$$    $$$$  $$$$$$$$$$
                                                $$    $$

     DO YOU SEE????????????? IT'S VERY COOL OLDSKOOL PICTURE AINT IT? NO
     IT'S  NOT NEWSKOOL YOU FOOLZ! I KNOW BEST WHAT'S OLDSKOOL AND WHATS
     NOT  AND  WHATS GOOD AND WHATS BAD  AND  WHAT SUCKS AND WHAT DOESNT
     SUCK  AND  AND  AND  AND AND:::  AFTER  ALL  I  REVIEWED ALL DSCENE
     RELEASES  OF  AFGHANISTAN !)))! AND ILL  DO THE SAME FOR "=== TROO!
     you  ask  how many released damN MY  CAPS LOCK SUCKS ah SUCKS AGAIN
     OKAY  WHERE DID WE STOP:::: YEAH;  WELL; THERE WAS ONLY ONE RELEASE
     IN  !)));  AND  THAT  WAS THE PREVIEW  OF  THIS  MAG; BUT ANYWAY; I
     REVIEWED !==%; AND I'M PROUD OF IT!!! I AM THE KING!!!!!! ROMAKULNE

     and I, Napoleon, want ta show ma ascii entri to ofcos! heres it:



     ... ... ... . . . . . .   .   . . . ... ..  . . ... . . . .   ... .
     . .

     DAMN!  I had selected Word Wrap in  my text editor and now it's all
     wrapped  up!  You cant read a damn  fuck this sucks deeply well who
     cares...  Anyway now that it doesn't work I agree tat Afghanbashi's
     entri is best. lumasentjenukebarumaskatnaratelniesumilostamaniskust

                  _____________________________________
     ___----                                     ----___
                                                                  ``

               Remi, remi, remi, suma tera remi, remi, remi...

   --___                                                         ___--
        ------_____________________________________-----

     THE CREDITS
     -----------

     Main Editor: Mohammed Napolon
     Real Main Editor: ARTURO UI
     Modest Mind Behind The Mag: afghanbashi

     We  send  out greetings to  Taliban, United Freedom Force, Wladimir
     Putin,  Vladimir  Meciar, Boris Jelzin,  Jiang Zemin, Bill Clinton,
     Gerhard  Schroder,  CoaXCable,  Ehud  Barak,  Benjamin  Nethanyahu,
     Thomas  Klestil,  Helmut Kohl,  Francois  Mitterrand (RIP), Jacques
     Chirac,  Daniel  arap Moi, King  Saud, Cardoso, Hugo Chvez, George
     Bush  jr.,  Viktor Klima, Viktor  Orbn,  Victoria, Nelson Mandela,
     Laurent  Kabila, Mobutu Sese Seko,  Colonel Muammar Gaddaffi, Queen
     Beatrice,  Lady  Diana  Spencer (RIP),  Theodor  Herzl (RIP), David
     Ben-Gurion  (RIP), Ariel Muzicant, Saddam Houssain, Leonid Kutshma,
     Mikulas Dzurinda, Vaclav Klaus, Vaclav Havel, Helmut Zilk, Menachem
     Begin   (RIP),  Winston  Churchill  (RIP),  Jorg  Haider,  Wolfgang
     Schussel,  Her Majesty Margot Klestil-Loffler, Jean Chrtien, Heinz
     Fischer,  Lionel  Jospin,  Vajpayee,  Omar  Sharif,  Nawaz  Sharif,
     Musharaff,  His  Majesty Hirohito (RIP),  His  Majesty Akihito, Kim
     Jong-il,   Li  Peng,  Zhu  Rhongij,   Turkmenbashi  and  all  other
     politicians. numasumadumarejsomnaskabutterasomnelukanebissomnarreku

     DISCLAIMER:  IF  YOU TAKE ANYTHING IN  THIS  MAG SERIOUSLY, YOUR IQ
     MUST DEFINITELY BE FAR BELOW AVERAGE.  godsaveournoblegraciousqueen

                              - the end -

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