  Web page: FTP://ftp.df.lth.se:21/pub/c64/Illegal/illeg36.txt
                                                              Illegal #36
  This is ILLEGAL #36, rewritten from paper by King Fisher / Triad.

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                       The best things in life are...

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                                                                ISSUE #36!
                             THE PIRATE MAGAZINE

                               WOOSUP MAIDS!?

  Geez!  Thinx  r terribly slown' down, almost nothin woz dun ze last weex.
  Awrite  anyway,  I try 2 get mah ass up 2 Denmark, though it's not 4 sure
  zat   I'll  cum,  but  we'll  c.  B4  I  go,  I  just  laik  2  send  sum
  "TORKTWOYALEGHTERS" 2 mah best m8s, sum've wich r:

  IKARAY  (JUSTICE  plus ze rest, quiet time, isn't?), DUGNUTZ (NOSAH - sum
  fousant milez away from hum, PUKE-DOS and SULI), X-RATED X-RAY (THE FLEED
  wif  a  lot've speet), FARELITE (STRYDAR, BACCHUZ, GOLLIE 'n wos creepin'
  alon'  there),  JCS  (CHUNKLET  'n FOZZE - u shud cum more often, FOZZ!),
  VIZION  FACZ  +  sum  BEYONDERZ  (Bookie Wooky Dookie), WORLD 'VE WUNDERZ
  (Randy   Andie),   NU  BANG  CORE  BROSSERS  (LAYZAR),  HOTLANE  (SLETCH,
  RADICK...),  COMA,  err  COMOS  (DSS, BEN BIG, TRACK ANTI, ICON...), BLUE
  SEC-THOR  (MISTHUR  ZEROWPATCH 'n ATATA), Ze old bastard USA'KAY, CONIE +
  ZOFFIE,  WMS  of EWR, ZITZ + BIER, DUG-DUG-DUGGY PITO + still the girl in
  Bonn (!), TAILOR + CURRY-URSOR, Baddddd boyyyyyy, FEMA, NOISE OF MANIACS,
  PINGA (hope u r c-ing rite 'gain, pal!), MEDAL BEETIWICKS, BEANY, ZE PIMP
  plus  the raunchy rest, the EAGLE SOFTERS, MOM'N'DEAD, STEFFIE 'n owl 've
  ze livin' or dad rest I mite 've 4gotten, anyway lars, m8s 'n pals.

  All ze best from me 2 u...
                                                                     JEFFIE

                       NEWS FROM THE INNER SECTION...

  Gawd!  Up  from the beginning of 1985 there was hardly such a quiet month
  as  this  one.  February  1989.  Really  nothing  big,  or  of importance
  happened,  but  AWRITE!  I'm  gonna try my best to give ya at least a few
  things...

   * FAIRLIGHT  BACK  INTO ACTION! Yo, this was probably the best news from
     the  last  month. STRIDER seems to have reorganized a strong crew, and
     GOSH!  He  even  cracked a game on the C64 after a long time (actually
     ACE  2088).  The new FAIRLIGHT has added some former HEPTAGON members,
     some  of which are VIPER and THE ALCHEMIST who seem to be the new main
     cracker and surprisingly not GOLLUM. Well the new guy (ALCHEMIST) is a
     very  good  cracker,  but  he  has  to learn writing typical FAIRLIGHT
     scroll texts! Anyway, great to see them going again.
   * SHARKS  COPYPARTY  BUSTED!  On  March,  4th  the  SHARKS  copyparty in
     southwest Germany was busted by the police. Grops like DRUIDS, DEVILS,
     and  the  SHARKS  themselves have been there when the police came. Oh!
     Oh!
   * ANOTHER  PARTY.  One  day before the IKARI/ZARGON Party RCS 2100/CRAZY
     will  have  a meeting in Switzerland. If you are interested, write to:
     RCS Party, P.O Box XX, CH-XXXX Silenen, Switzerland.
   * SEX'n'CRIME  from  G*P.  GENESIS*PROJECT  is pushing out a magazine on
     disk  (I've  heard  about  those things before...) under their "legal"
     lable  AMOK.  Well  it's contents are just of minor interest, and have
     nothing  to  do with sex'n'crime, and lots of the so-called "news" are
     totally wrong, e.g. STRIKE FORCE are ELITE together with BEASTIE BOYS.
     There are surely better things to fill a disk with.
   * BUSINESS  now for DOMINATORS! After several members of the group NOISE
     joined the DOMINATORS, and now also DANISH DREAMLINE who are also (who
     is not?) making a fanzine called BUSINESS... That makes the DOMINATORS
     look like the following: MATRIX, VIKING, COSMO, BLAZE, K.KID, TRICKET,
     PANTHER,  MAZE,  MACRO NIT, DOGFRIEND, ANIMAL, SLIDER, GROOVER and WAR
     PACK. Quite a few, aren't they?
   * Rumors  about  DRAGON'S  LAIR  getting  finally cracked on Amiga, even
     though it was said that there was a special copy programme to copy the
     original,  but  it  hasn't  been spread. There was also a trainer, but
     only for the original.
   * CEBIT:  Not  many  souls  were  to  be  seen  on  so-called German PCS
     equivalent,  just  some  surprise visit from the BENCOR BROTHERS (USA)
     and a lot of German Amiga groups... Watch out for a detailed report in
     the next issue...
   * SHINING  8  now in SHARKS! Some members of SHINING 8 have surprisingly
     joined  their  biggest enemies... Well that doesn't change anything of
     the SHARKS' image... Just a few, led by dark force stay fortunately in
     SHINING 8...

  That's  already all for this month. I'm sure there'll be more things next
  month  (hopefully).  Thanx  to all mates supplying the news, such as DOM,
  FAIRLIGHT, PIT...
                                                                     JEFFIE

  PS.  A  LITTLE  BIT LATE: I have to excuse for the delay in releasing the
  mag this time, but my printer didn't want the way i wanted... But here we
  are again!
                                                                         JS
                    NOSAH AND IGUANA, GONE WITH THE WIND?

  The  news got all of us like a deep shock! NOSAH, responsible for the DCS
  magazine "IGUANA", has to work for the British army FIVE MONTHS abroad at
  the  FALKLAND  ISLANDS  (!).  This does not only mean, that a good friend
  disappears for a while, but also a brilliant mag, which brought for about
  6  issues  a  brighter light into the dark area of pirate-fanzines. NOSAH
  already said that he would probably be sent off to another country around
  August  of  this year, but it also got him like a shock. We can only hope
  that  our  NOSAH  BOY  will  safely return in full strength around August
  then, and still be able and willing to push out his "IGUANA" again. Dave,
  I've got the BEERS and the KORN ready!!!
                                                             Yours, JEFFIE!

                             SCOUSE IS NO MORE!?

  The  SCOUSE  CRACKING  GROUP is no more. Quite sad really, but also quite
  inevitable.  So  what now??? I believe that the C64 "cracking scene" will
  rapidly  dissolve  into a forgettable haze of insignificance. Indeed, all
  that  remains  of  a once thriving, industrious hive of computer software
  illegality  are  a  few flocculations of pathetic flounders who can never
  hope  to  rise above the level of mundane. Anyway, I'm lecturing, back to
  the subject of this - so, what actually happened to SCOUSE?

  Quite  simply,  WEETIBIX  changed  his telephone number! (due to a lot of
  numerous annoying calls) - this marked the start of the end. No-one could
  phone  WEETIBIX  -  WEETIBIX  could  phone  no-one, nor would he reply to
  letters...  Internal  communications have broke down (only I have W'BIX's
  number).  NO  LEE  = NO ORIGINALS = NO CRACKS!!! I had to leave the group
  for  school.  LEE  and  W'BIX  then  backed  out  of  a Venlo trip (quite
  selfishly)  into  which  they  had  been heavily committed - this severed
  links  with  German SCOUSE (JEFF + T'KAY)... Need I say more? (how much I
  could  tell you!) WEETIBIX is off his console and into schoolwork. I will
  enter  university  at  the  end  of  this  year  (good luck! -ed) LEE has
  forsaken the C64 in favour of the Amiga, but he is no longer SCOUSE.

                          SCOUSE IS NO MORE! EVER!
                                                    CHUNK (BSC!) of the JCS

                      CE-BIT AND IKARI/ZARGON PREVIEWS

  The  CE-BIT  in  Hannover,  Germany  is  best  described  as  the  German
  equivalent  to  the  PCS. It takes place from March 8th to 15th, and some
  very  interesting  groups  have announced their visit, so have the BENCOR
  BROTHERS  from the USA, so have FAIRLIGHT from Sweden. All most important
  Germans will be there anyway.

  IKARI-ZARGON  copyparty from March 23rd to 25th in Denmark. Not only that
  IKARI (UK + DK) will be there, also FAIRLIGHT, X-RAY, COSMOS, DOMINATORS,
  ELITE,  HOTLINE  and  a  lot  more have said they will come. But also the
  organisation  seems  to  be  much better than it was at the last party in
  Denmark  (remember  the  disaster  from  DOMINATORS-UPFRONT-JEWELS-DANISH
  GOLD?!).

  So  the  Venlo  meeting  on  March 18th seems to come in third place this
  time.
                                                                         JS
                     BKA OF RADWAR SQUEALS ON OTHERS...

  BKA  (Bernd)  of  RADWAR  was caught by police a few days ago. Though the
  police  didn't  find anything at his place, he squealed on MWS and RADWAR
  and  accused  him of having sold the software over the PLK, allthough MWS
  has given the PLK to BKA two years ago. The only person BKA informed, was
  AVH  of  RADWAR,  and  he  told  AVH  that  he  already  informed  anyone
  else...What  he  did was really unbelivable... The police had no evidence
  against BKA, so there was no use of accusing anyone. Hum, just some note:
  BKA was made to leave RADWAR a few weeks ago.
                                                                         JS

                           INTERVIEW OF THE MONTH:
         "THE LAST OF THE FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL CRACKERS" MR.ZEROPAGE

  Here  goes  a  new  series!  And in "The Last of the Famous International
  Crackers"  I'm  presenting you the old stars! This time I had a talk with
  MISTER ZEROPAGE!

   * Since how many years are you going on your parents nerves?
     Since 22 years.
   * When and how did you get your first computer?
     That  was  just because a friend of mine had a C64 and was playing all
     the  time, so I also wanted to have a computer, I bought it around the
     middle of 1984.
   * How did you get into cracking?
     That  was  pure random. This friend of mine had an original of a game,
     that  was  Flight Simulator, but I couldn't copy it, though I tried it
     with  all copyprogrammes that were available at that time. I wanted to
     have a copy of it, so I started having a look on it.
   * And you managed it?
     Yes, that was the first game I ever cracked. It was beginning of 1985,
     there was no intro on that Flight Simulator (from Sublogic), because I
     wanted to get the game copied for myself.
   * When and why did you give up the 64?
     Beginning  of  1988  I got really rid of it. There was too much coming
     out, and I thought the Amiga had a better future.
   * When did you buy your Amiga?
     That was around the end of 1986.
   * How did you get your name?
     A former swap-partner of mine suggested it for me, first I didn't like
     it. But later on, when I needed it, I took it...
   * What were the hardest protections you worked on?
     There  was some utility called Paperback Writer which was pretty hard,
     but  that  was one of the last big challenges at the end of '87 on the
     64. I think that every protection on Amiga is easy to crack!
   * What are you doing nowadays?
     I'm doing only a little bit on the Amiga as I don't have a 64 anymore.
     I'm  working as an electricial engineer, fixing hardware of computers.
     And  I  have  much  more  time  now, especially on the weekends when I
     always have a lot of fun.
   * Who do you regard as the best cracker?
     There  are  quite a few guys who can crack, but I respect the old boys
     from THE LIGHT CIRCLE, and others like CRAKMAN or INDY. On Amiga thera
     are UNIT A, DEFJAM and QUADLIGHT.
   * How should the ideal cracker work?
     He  should  work  with conscience, that means he must be sure that his
     cracked  game is fully working before he releases it, he must not take
     any protection too easy, and he must be no informer...
   * What are your favorite...
     Games:     Skyfox     (Amiga+64),    Matchpoint    (64),    and    all
     basketball-simulations
     Demos: on 64 STOAT & TIM, and on Amiga: DOC demo
     Music groups: Def Leppard, Slayer, Guns 'n' roses, Metallica
     Movies: Funny movies, like those with Jerry Lewis etc.
     TV series: The Equalizer, Law and Harry McGraw
     Food: Pastrami sandwich
     Place to live: New York
   * Who are your best friends from the cracking circuit?
     RADWAR and MR.CRUSOR.
   * Why aren't you rich?
     Because I never sold software like HEADBANGER did.
   * What are your plans for the future?
     I  intend to programme a utility on the Amiga, I'll come to one or two
     meetings to say hello to the boys... And I have fun on the weekends...

                         WORLD OF WONDERS COPY PARTY

  It  was February, 26th and WORLD OF WONDERS was going to have a new party
  in Aachen/Germany. Well it was a pretty useless attending to the meeting,
  only  10 computers and 40 guys were present. Some of which were THE BAND,
  SPY and MIND (as the only foreign guys), and ALPHAFLIGHT, RSI, a guy from
  VISION  FACTORY  (I  guess  he  must  have  been disguised, otherwise WOW
  wouldn't  have let him in!) and some group called INDY INC (that consists
  of  ex-SHARKS  and  ex-TWG  members  I was told). There was also some guy
  called TIP from PROFITS AG, and he said to made a good profit as he coded
  an intro for 100 DM for WOW. What was WOW doing then on their party? Well
  there  were  mainly importing things from the USA, where ORACLE is at the
  moment  beating  EAGLE  SOFT INC. with 8 : 6 boards! Anyway, WOW imported
  some  ORACLE cracks, but nothing without putting their own intro in front
  of the ORACLE stuff, as ususal.

  The  party was running from 3 o'clock up to the evening, and there was NO
  BEER!  Another guy from WOW was occupying his Amiga, and just coding some
  ididotical  music  track  the whole day, and he was playing his shit much
  too  loud  so  you  could  hardly  talk  to enyone. The party was totally
  corrosive!, but there are more partys to come, some of which will be:

   * April, 1-2 : TRILOGY and QUIVER
   * April, 8 : VISION FACTORY + STEELPLUS somewhere in France
   * April, 29 : PIRAHNAS copyparty in Switzerland

  Hum,  what's  happening  in  RED  SECTOR  at this time? The stupid Danish
  members  have been kicked out of RSI, and there is a new music demo to be
  released  by  us  very  soon,  which will be called "MEGADEAF"... In this
  sense, later boys from...
                                                   IRATA of RED SECTOR INC.

                             FIGHT GRAFENREUTH!

  A cracker's life in Germany is nowadays getting more and more hard. A lot
  of  cool  guys are caught by the police - postoffices are observed by the
  cops and copyparties have become almost impossible to make (MCG, MANIACS,
  SHARKS...) That is mainly the work of a man called V.GRAFENREUTH who is a
  lawyer  of  several software houses. At the moment V.GRAFENREUTH is doing
  research  for  ARIOLASOFT  ("Yuppie's  Revenge")  and  he  is now writing
  letters  to all police-headquaters in every city in Germany to tell every
  policeman not to be forebearing or indulgent with pirates.

  I  know that because when I was caught at the MANIACS party the policemen
  showed  me  later  in the office this letter. The officer told me about a
  case in Hannover where a teenager sold game for profit. He has now to pay
  about 200,000 DM back to the software houses (nearly 7,000 GBP). Now that
  dirty  lawyer  earns a fuckin' lot by fighting us. Let's show him that he
  won't  owercome  us and FIGHT him! I hope all freaks on the net will help
  us  here.  More  parties  (no  copy!) cost the police a lot of money, and
  nobody can be caught. Think about that!
                                                         ZODIAC of ASPHUXIA

                          PIRATE FANZINES REVIEWS!

  As   quite   a  few  so-called  PIRATE  FANZINES  have  appeared  on  the
  international  market, and as everybody is to make a review and a ranking
  of  them,  we from ILLEGAL take, as the first ever, the privilege to make
  the one and only "PIRATE FANZINES REVIEW"...

   * IGUANA: In the beginning IGUANA appeared under the ZENITH FLAG, but as
     NOSAH,  editor in chief of IGUANA joined DCS, the mag now is DCS' one.
     Undoubtably,  IGUANA features the best written English, because it, as
     the  only one, comes directly from the UK. DCS is, of course, a famous
     group,  and  so  IGUANA  gets  spread  a lot, its news are up to date.
     Another   important   thing   are  their  cracker  charts,  which  are
     representative. Little sketches decorate the sometimes not very varied
     layout,  but  the quality of the mag is probably the best of all. Some
     articles  are  of high interest, others are not, but the good articles
     get the upper hand. IGUANA surely is a first-class product, and it can
     only  be  recommended.  LAYOUT:  78%, INFORMATION: 91%, ENTERTAINMENT:
     84%, VALUE/QUALITY: 97%, OVERALL:93%.
   * BUSINESS:  Similar to IGUANA, the editor SLIDER now joined DOMINATORS,
     so  BUSINESS  is  now  a  DOM-magazine!  Most  of the contents (as the
     magazine  is  pretty  short)  are  quite  boring,  apart from detailed
     charts.  But  this is probably going to change when DOM take over, but
     yet there is only the use of brilliant graphics to mention positively.
     Anyway,   there   is   probably  a  change  to  come...  LAYOUT:  69%,
     INFORMATION:  38%,  ENTERTAINMENT:  13%,  VALUE/QUALITY: 65%, OVERALL:
     41%.
   * NEWS:  NEWS is pushed out by some DAVE E, who is actually not a member
     of  any  gang.  The big disadvantage is that NEWS is only available in
     German, so it's not been spread in foreign countries, nevertheless its
     circulation  is  very high in Germany. This however does not mean that
     the  mag  is very good, most articles are focussed on the not so known
     groups.  Some  of the interviews are pretty interesting, and sometimes
     also  some good comics are appearing. The layout is not the worst, but
     could be more varied. The 32 pages the magazine is taking, make it, as
     an  overall,  worth to be read (or even to be bought...). LAYOUT: 73%,
     INFORMATION:  49%,  ENTERTIANMENT:  73%,  VALUE/QUALITY: 65%, OVERALL:
     69%.
   * PIRATES:  PIRATES  is coming from Belgium, and it's mainly done by THE
     BEST  COMPANY  +  NFC. The mag appears on big A4 pages, but printed on
     both sides. The layout is very weak, as it seems the whole mag is done
     with  a normal typewriter. Anyway it covers about 9 pages, and some of
     the  articles  are pretty interesting. Well, there is probably more to
     come.    LAYOUT:    22%,   INFORMATION:   61%,   ENTERTAINMENT:   35%,
     VALUE/QUALITY: 31%, OVERALL: 36%.
   * SMASHER:  Another  magazine from Germany, which is produced by several
     guys,  predominantly  by  ex-PWR and 711. The quality of printing, and
     the  layout  is  rather  good,  but  unfortunately  the  contents  are
     extremely  weak.  Another big mistake the mag brings along is the very
     bad  English  they  use (you can easily find a lot of mistakes in each
     article),  which  gets  very  irritating.  Apart from that, the people
     making  it  have to use pictures of naked girls to fill up their pages
     (though  not  bad!),  but  the  magazine  remains  weak.  LAYOUT: 74%,
     INFORMATION:  18%,  ENTERTAINMENT:  27%,  VALUE/QUALITY: 69%, OVERALL:
     36%.
   * C.C.C.P.:  The so-called TRANSCOMUNIST paper is comprising 3 A4 pages,
     printed   on   both   sides.  Though  it's  obviously  printed  with a
     laserwriter,  the layout is very weak decorated with a few pictures (3
     in  the whole mag). They do not even have an own chart, they count all
     greetings  lists  together (must be a good job!). Not only that almost
     all  articles are of NO INTEREST, they even copied the whole 37 blocks
     demo  text from JUST ICE/IKARI about the 2nd RWE party and filled up 1
     1/2  pages  with  it. Another thing that just shows the quality of the
     mag, is a particular BAD English (some people never learn it!)... Well
     I  just  wonder why they enclose a sheet of toilet-paper with the mag,
     when  you  can  use the whole mag for the same purpose... LAYOUT: 12%,
     INFORMATION:  07%,  ENTERTAINMENT:  00%, VALUE/QUANTITY: 05%, OVERALL:
     06%.

  If  we  have  forgot any of the mags occuring on the circuit, please send
  your product in... Watch further issues for more on this subject.
                                                                         JS

                               HOB-HOBBITS BIT

  Hi  fellows!  BILBO's back in mighty mag! As always it won't be really of
  any  interest  for  you  (Hehe)!  I'll just let you know I'll move my big
  hairy  feet  to cold Denmark this month. So catch HOBBIT live-on-stage at
  the IKARI/ZARGON party! Another important thing is that I bought an Atari
  ST  (I  know  the  rich  people!  -ed) and I can't wait to terrorize that
  machine as well as the others. So all Atari crackers,suppliers out there,
  move  your  ass  and show me something! (address: X.XXXXX, XXX XX XXXXXXX
  XX,  XXXX  Bruxelles,  Belgium)  And  last  some HOB HOBS to my best pals
  around the globe!:

  IKARI:  JUST  ICE,  FLETCH  and  EXCELL  (Get  some  beers  ready  for me
  dudes!!!),  X-RAY  (We really have a fleet of cool pirates around), ELITE
  (Hello  to Marsha, Sonia and Claudia. Yo!), DCS, TRANSCOM (Hi pals! Merci
  pour la place dans la voiture!), HOTLINE (What's up?), DOMINATORS (VIKING
  - keep it up!).and of course all my mates in FAIRLIGHT! (Especially TONY,
  FRED and CHRIS! Yoghoo!)

  A push and a rush and the land that we stand on is ours again!

                                                        HOBBIT of FAIRLIGHT

                   THE NEVER ENDING STORY OF SYSTEM FOUR!

  A  not  answered  love  letter  is  the  worst thing that could happen to
  anyone,  I can tell... It's raining outside, I'm sitting on the bed still
  no  answer!  Not even a note, not even a gesture, NOTHING AT ALL! Well, I
  find out... I'm definetely born to lose (at last!) OK, OK I won't give up
  so soon. Hum, I'm developing a new theory: Boys with black hair have more
  potency, but blond boys have more girls. Shit, I thought. You can call me
  EINSTEIN  now,  or TWOSTONE, if you like. Anyway, the situation in SYSTEM
  FOUR  meanwhile  is  getting  close  to the "critical" situation which is
  quite tough.

  Some  more  "S"  boys  have  been taken away by the occupying forces, but
  that's okey, because they where not happy anyway. Some other pal from the
  "S"  division  is  leaving us for a good while. I myself lift my can, and
  wish  him  a  safe return which is no bullshit (Tuborg actually). Our new
  federation also suffers of this bad situation... We all sat together, had
  our  fun in the cellar, but we are bored. I look out of the window and as
  usual  it's  raining  pretty hard. Then suddenly the RED BUTTON starts to
  blink: CRITICAL!

  Oh,God  we  haven't  been  in that state for about 4 years. Shit, I don't
  have  a single idea about what to do, I haven't any experience with that.
  I  seriously  think about making a journey to the 16th SYSTEM, but I drop
  the  idea  as  fast  as  it  came. I put my sunglasses on and I had to do
  something  for  school,  for  the  first time. Beer, oh beer without you,
  there  is no tomorrow! My letter still makes me feel ashamed, and still I
  have  two hands, and I haven't got blond hair (yet!!!). Seems to me as if
  I  was  needing  a holiday. Hum, three more weeks and I should get what I
  need.  Do not care about girls at the mo, there seem to be more important
  things...

  I  feel  like  IAN  CURTIS  in  his  last  days,  yes,  when routine bits
  hard...strain,  take  the  strain - these days, we learn , they walked in
  line...HAVE  A  GOOD  NIGHT!  Here  are  the young men, a weight on their
  shoulders.  NOOOOO!!!!! Sorry, IAN I can't follow you (yet!). I have seen
  too  few things, and there is more to come (I hope). But the end could be
  tomorrow,  even  in  this very second!!! And now you can't tell me what's
  going  on,  and  that  I  am weak while you are strong. Dededem, dededem,
  OK...too much of that alcohol! Another former "A" class group seems to be
  right back fortunately to help me in this "critical" situation.

  The  button  is  still  blinking.  No  answer  to  my  letter, no IAN, no
  nothing...  The  editor of Venice in his last role, I guess there will be
  an  end  this year... I'm totally weak, perhaps the summerbreak will give
  me  more  strength...to  make me return where I belong, where I belong! I
  got  some  notes  from friends who escaped, but they don't tell me how to
  leave,  and I'm glad for that. New faces, new hope, new orders, new love!
  Old   feelings,   old   losses!   Waiting   for   something   to   break!
  Nothing...Critical,  people  are leaving, working for the enemy occupying
  force and the bell rings... An answer? To be continued...
                                                                         JS

                               SHOCK THE COPS!

  Wowzers,  the  long  awaited "COP SHOCKER" from Digital Marketing is out!
  Not  only  that  it  would  take  about 35,883 years to find the password
  protection  (as there are 1,100,000,000 (!) different possibilities) - it
  also  codes the filename in the directory and makes 'em disappear so that
  everyone  thinks  the disk is empty (little green mates from Mars, e.g.).
  It  also features some nice utilities (fast format, new file copy...) and
  has  an  installed  fast  loader  in  the 10 Blocks long menu you need to
  decode  your  files  (decoding  takes as coding of a 202 blocks long file
  about  4  seconds).  The  program  is also available in English, and even
  professional  programmers  failed  in finding a way to crack the password
  protection of "COP SHOCKER"...

  0 "HOORAY!         " RWE !
  10  "MENU"            PRG
  654BLOCKS FREE.

  Can you imagine that there are about 5 new hot games on this disk? I can!
                                                                         JS

                          GREMLIN GRAPHICS' TRICKS

  Ha!  Two  weeks we wanted to crack MOTOR MASSACRE by GREMLIN GRAPHICS but
  just  as  it  was  almost finished (from tape), we luckily found out that
  this  shit  is  nothing  less than Road Raider from Mindscape. So Gremlin
  Graphics  just  bought the license to release the game here in Europe. We
  are  not  going to crack it, so if you are looking for this game, contact
  NFI, as they cracked it some good time ago.
                                                          WOLFGANG of ELITE

                 VISION FACTORY AND THE WEB INC COPY PARTY!

  For  invitations,  write  immediately  to:  PLK  XXXXXX,  XXXX Kln, West
  Germany!. Some facts about the party: MODEM IMPORTING, LIVE CRACKS, MUSIC
  (Acid,  Hip  Hop,  Funk...),  DRINKS and FOOD is available! The party was
  thought to be only for Amiga users, but known 64 freaks are welcome, too.

                                                                 WOOKIE/VF

                         THE DOCTOR MILLER SECTION!

  Hello  freaks  out there, here goes my section for the first time. So all
  of  you, if you have any problems, secret dreams, things to say, etc, let
  me  know about them and I guarantee to help! Write to: DOCTOR MILLER, PLK
  XXXXXX X, XXXX X, West Germany! But now onto your mail...

  Dear Dr. Miller,
  I've got a real hard problem to cope with! I was in love with a very cute
  girl  from my school, but now the damn bitch is going out with some blond
  ass.  Now  it  goes that this piece of blond shit wants to have new games
  from  me  (C64),  so  I  am  thinking  seriously  about keeping his disks
  forever,  or  ask  him  for  5 pound each... Can you give a good advice??
  Yours desperately, L.Over

  Dear L.Over,
  I  would rather suggest copy all the hottest games you have on his disks,
  and  that  as  fast  as  possible,  so  that  your special friend will be
  spending  all  the  time  on the games, and no time remains for the girl.
  This would then be your turn!!! With friendly regards, Dr.Miller

  Dear Dr.Miller,
  I  am  that  what  people call a true lamer! I have bought my 64 some few
  weeks ago, and I really want to swap with a lot of known and famous guys.
  But,  every time I contact one of the world famous groups, my letters are
  never  answered.  Can  you  give  me a standard "way to the top" guide if
  there is one??? Yours full of hope, Charly Schmitz

  Dear Charly,
  Actually  there  is  no "way to the top" guide with a guaranteed success,
  but  if  you  follow  an  old  fashion  guide  for swappers, you might be
  successful...  1st:  try  to start with not so famous groups. 2nd: always
  collect  the latest things on a disk, and try to win more famous contacts
  with that... and so on. Well, Good luck anyway, Dr.Miller

                    X-RATED X-MAIDS FOR X-FUCKING X-GUNS!

  Here are some tips how to jump a lady... At first call up the whole fleet
  of  X-RATED  fleet friends to organize an original-Alpine-hut-orgy!! Some
  items  you  must  never  forget:  loads of beer, tequila, whiskey, vodka,
  coke,   orange-juice,   cigarettes,   tobacco,   dope,  HiFi-unit,  vcr +
  videocamera,  condoms, spanish-fly, a guy who owns an alpine hut, another
  guy  to remove all trash, and be sure you have your X-RATED guns with you
  (the nasty thing between your legs).

  And  now  onto  the most important items: the girls. But how to orgy-nize
  them???

  Go to a pub and explore the ground (but only 1st class material!). Invite
  all  to  an-Alpine-hut-orgy.  You  will  probably  only  get  5 out of 20
  agreeing  with  you (try to talk to girls you haven't seen before) but be
  careful  not  to  take  more  than  one of your different girlfriends (or
  you're gonna get big trouble!). Pack all ingridients into a large car and
  drive  them to the hut. Order your slave (need not be an eskimo or negro)
  to  carry all items into the hut. Install the HiFi, video and so on. Take
  care  about  a cool music (NOT Pet Shop Boyz as TRI-DOS isn't there). Fix
  the  first drinks, the second, the twentieth, and before all ladies start
  to get really drunk remove their clothes!

  Lay them down wherever possible, on the bed, table, floor, TV-set (huh?).
  Regrettably  we  can't describe how to do a proper event, coz it would be
  too  detailed.  One of the boys, who hasn't drunk too much, can now start
  to  record  some  video  movies  with the camera to show them on the next
  party.  (If  they  are really horrible, send them to Lazer/NBB) Hopefully
  you  haven't  forgotten the condoms otherwise you might get x-r-aids. Get
  the  slave  to  remove all girls, while you get ready for the next pub to
  get the next girls for the next party...

  Finally  we greet some guys to whom this article is especially dedicated:
  Jeff Smart + MWS (for the best, drink with the best), DCS (for the best -
  puke  with  the  best),  RAGMAN (for the best - drive with the best, BROS
  (for  the  best  -  roll  with the best), ELITE (Hi Wolfgang!), COSMOSIS,
  IKARI (all IRAKIS)... C U in the next ish!
                                                        THE FLEET of X-RAY!

                      BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE YUGOSLAVIA

  This  story  started  some good time ago (actually in August '88) when we
  organized a copy party at some youth club. It was done by MR.PRO (at that
  time in THP), COZY MC (brain damage) and me, SHIZZCAT. I know that you've
  never   heard  of  these  names,  but  they're  pretty  popular  here  in
  Yugoslavia.  At  that  time  we  found  a free telephone line and started
  exploiting  it, so we called our friends like MAD ALL, STRIDER/FAIRLIGHT,
  JEDDIE,  FUN  FUN/TRIANGLE,  MATRIX/DOM and many others, frequently every
  weekend from there.

  The  other  day  (February,  2nd  1989)  I again walked to the youth club
  without  anyone  else  this time, because nobody was at home. I got there
  and  called JEFFIE up. A few minutes later, somebody turned on the lights
  in  the  corridor  and  I  heard some voices. Two policemen and a janitor
  (sounds  familiar) came in the room. The pigs wanted to examine me, but I
  didn't  let  them.  But  I got hit over my mouth with a police club. They
  took  me  to  the  station,  and  started  all that investigation. I kept
  MR.PRO's name quiet, although he made 1/3 of all phone calls.

  One  inspector took my photos and my fingerprints. They drove me home and
  gave  me  a  piece of paper which invited me for more examinations at the
  police  office  later on. The telephone bill I got made me almost getting
  an  infarct  - it was over 4,000,000 Dinars (which is something like 2000
  DM  or  850 GBP). So I told everything to my father, who must now pay for
  the whole shit. Well that was the first time I ever had problems with the
  police, but I think I had it in style.
                                                        SHIZZCAT of VICTORY

                           JEFF SMART RADIO SHOW!

  Haven't  tried it yet!? To get it, send; 5 DM + self-addressed envelope +
  A 60' tape to the usual address. (last page)

                              C64 GAME REVIEVS

  This time only some short comments to the highlights of the month:

   * ACE  2088  is  a  brilliant strategy and shoot'em up game from CASCADE
     which really deserves 88pts.
   * F-16  COMBAT  is an excellent flightsimulator with stunning effects in
     the game. Give it a try! 94pts.
   * Though YUPPIE'S REVENGE is a German game, it's brilliant! 87pts.
   * WEC  LE  MANS  from  OCEAN  is heavy shit apart from the ending scene.
     64pts.

                             AMIGA GAME REVIEVS

   * ACTIVISION'S  SUPER  HANG  ON  is an ace conversion! Makes us hope for
     Afterburner! 97pts.
   * INTERNATIONAL  KARATE+  is  also brilliant, and that makes us hope for
     Last Ninja! 96pts.
   * ZANY  GOLF  is  an excellent mini-golf from EOA featuring ace graphics
     and effects. 93pts.
   * GAUNTLET  II  is  better  than its predecessor, but not the real thing
     yet. 71pts.
   * RINGSIDE  is  a  very  well  set  up  boxing  game, and apart from the
     animation of the fighters it's a good start for German EAS. 84pts.
   * EPYX  seem  to  be  "fucked up"! Their WINTER EDITION is total fucking
     crap,  as it couldn't have been done worse! Graphics, sprites, sounds,
     animations and so on...CRAP! 14pts.

  Reviews done by the one and only...
                                                                         JS

                             CHARTS - MARCH 1989

               C64 GAMES                          C64 CRACKERS

    1. MICROPROSE SOCCER        (1)      1. ELITE                    (1)
    2. F-16 TOMCAT              (-)      2. IKARI                    (3)
    3. FISH                     (2)      3. DOUGHNUT CRACKING SERVICE(2)
    4. ACE 2088                 (-)      4. A TOUCH OF CLASS         (4)
    5. PROJECT FIRESTART        (3)      5. X-RAY                    (5)
    6. KATKIS                   (7)      6. FAIRLIGHT               (10)
    7. GRAND PRIX CIRCUIT       (6)      7. COSMOS                   (8)
    8. FIST+                    (4)      8. DOMINATORS               (7)
    9. YUPPIE'S REVENGE         (-)      9. HOTLINE                  (-)
   10. WEC LE MANS              (-)     10. NO FRILLS INTERNATIONAL  (-)

              AMIGA GAMES                        AMIGA CRACKERS

    1. SUPER HANG-ON            (-)      1. VISION FACTORY/BEYONDERS (1)
    2. INTERNATIONAL KARATE+    (-)      2. QUARTEX                  (2)
    3. ZANY GOLD                (-)      3. ORACLE                   (4)
    4. ELITE                    (1)      4. WORLD OF WONDERS         (3)
    5. DRAGON'S LAIR            (2)      5. EAGLESOFT                (8)
    6. WORLD CLASS LEADERBOARD  (3)      6. THE BAND                 (9)
    7. SPEEDBALL                (6)      7. RED SECTOR/DEFJAM        (6)
    8. OPERATION WOLF           (7)      8. BENCOR BROTHERS          (-)
    9. GAUNTLET II              (-)      9. BAMIGA SECTOR 1          (7)
   10. RINGSIDE                 (-)     10. FAIRLIGHT/NORTHSTAR     (10)

  Chart  comments:  It  was  again  pretty  difficult to put up the charts,
  because  only  a  very  few  games have been released. We hope for better
  times.  Well  ELITE  still #1, IKARI and DCS changed places. BROS dropped
  out  from  6  to  16,  ZENITH  from  10 to 15 too. For the first time NFI
  appears,  welcome!  HOTLINE  after some months of absence back in the top
  10!  It  must  have  been  last month's shock, FAIRLIGHT is pretty active
  again!  They are the climber of the month from 10 to 6. Great to see them
  working again! No major changes in the Amiga charts, welcome BENCORS! ESI
  and  THE  BAND  are  coming,  ORACLE already on 3. WOW and BSI went down.
  VF/TB stays up.
                                                                         JS

  IMPRESSUM
  ILLEGAL(TM) by JEFF SMART
  Issue  #36  -  Released  on March
  10th 1989 - Circulation: unknown
  Editor-in-Chief: JEFF SMART
  Co-Editors     &    Contributors:
  HOBBIT/FAIRLIGHT,  NOSAH/DCS, THE
  FLEET/X-RAY,      RED     SECTOR,
  MR.0-PAGE,  CHUNK/JCS,  WOOKIE/VF
  and more...
  Typed in by: STRIDER of FAIRLIGHT
  Preview  of  Issue #37: Interview
  with  SLEDGEHAMMER of HOTLINE and
  NOSAH of IGUANA * Report from the
  IKARI/ZARGON party
  Comments:   If   you   have   any
  comments, you're welcome to write
  to us!
