<P>
@X09<CENTER><FONT FRESNO>When life sucks...<P></FONT></CENTER>
<P>
<P>
@X07
<P>
This is mostly fiction, don't take it too seriously! :) @X02NOT@X07
<P><P>
Heh.<P>
I had a horrible day.<P>
Nothing was wrong actually... i just realized it... The shit i am living in.. 
How did it happen? Why? I don't have a life i can look at, i don't have
a friend i can relay on, I don't have nothing but access to some shit systems i 
couldn't care less about! <P>
<P>
Damn... so... take a look into my day:<P>
<P>
Tuesday, 8am, no school ...<P><P>

Sleeping. I woke up. Just a bit, with a small portion of my brain saying: 
<P>
What's up?<P>
Listening...
<P><P>
Steps in the hall... doors shut ... ok ... so what is this?
<P>
I think parents just went to work... great I'll irc all day long...
<P><P>
@X02
kill -SIGWAKEUP body@X07
<P><P>
shit.. i am tired... i was ircing till 1 o' clock last night or was it 3 ?  dunno...
<P>
I'll wake up... my brains really want it.. ok .. I am in pajamas, it's kinda cold..
<P><P>
Turning on the monitor... ok that was easy...
<P><P>
Going onto my knees to turn on the modem & external disk. Damn this is hard
 i still have not woken up. I have to go to sleep earlier today. Really!
<P><P>
Turning on computer, ok cool.. it's booting.. some noises  .. doesn't matter
<P><P>
Turning on bbs's monitor... waiting.. heh noone called whole night.. again...
<P>
so what....
<P>


Heh... going to kitchen... I am not hungry... i just wanna drink something...
<P>
Hmm cedevita would be good.. ok .. done.. ... 
<P>
<P>

Returning back to my room... wow i booted linux not windows.. heh what a pleasant
 surprise.. i forgot to remove the linux boot disk from the floppy drive... heh ... 
<P>
Let's look at the screen.. what does it say?
<P>
@X02
<P>
Never forget: big brother's watching you
<P>


<P>psyho login: root
<P>
password: ******
<P>
$ ppp-up
<P>
auto dialing
<P>
$
<P>
@X07


<P>
I take a look at lights on my good ol' Zyxel ISDN 'modem' ...
<P>
Ok.. connected...
<P>


Alt f2 .. another console..u know coz of security, you never know where your 
enemies are...
<P>
<P>
@X02
psyho login: minmax
<P>
password: *******
<P>
# startx
<P>
@X07<P>

ok cool ... 
<P>
two clicks.. circus irc client and netscape.. both running
<P>
some alt n.. making new browser windows... ok three's enough...
<P>


auto connecting to irc server ok cool...
<P><P>
@X02joining channels 
<P>
#gimbez - topic: "show me something new - minmax"
<P>
users: @MMbotx @MMboty 
<P><P>@X07
wow still my topic...
<P>
Heh noone here... let's see what's in #scene.si
<P><P>@X02
topic: "Make music&code&art, not war" ...
<P>
users: @MMbotx @MMboty
<P><P>@X07
that's my topic too... what a surprise...
<P>


So i have nothing to do... i'll surf a bit.. heh.. let's see.. i'll pick
randomly between my bookmarks...
<P>
Two dead links, one about some wannabe h/p/a/v/c group .. right
<P>
It sux!
<P>
<P>

I am thirsty - again -.. going to kitchen  .. making Cedevita.. ok cool
<P>
let's see, anyone on irc?
<P>
<P>
@X02
#scene.si - kredn joined
<P>
<minmax> hy!
<P>
#scene.si - kreden parted
<P>
<P>
@X07
damn... didn't even say hello
<P>
<P>

Let's surf again ... (like we did last summer, this song comes to mind... what
was i doing last summer? Can't remember.. Probably ircing.. dunno...) 
Ok cool .. this is getting better ... 
<P>
@X02www.kevinmitnick.com
@X07<P>
I see Kevin Mitnick (very famous hacker) is looking for an expert in computer securty... 
Needs one to testify for him...
<P>
<P>
... Damn.. what's up with his defence found.. 206 USD.. only 2 people donated 
damn this is lame.. Maybe i should send 100 bucks too.. @X02MAYBE...@X07
<P>
Damn... hackers should have their defense organisation... someone should do
 something about that... @X02SOMEONE .. SOMETHING@X07
<P><P>


going on... Heh.. i forgot to turn on the radio...
<P>
hmm some lame old techno.. i usually like it but not today... 
<P>
Switching the station.. this is better.. some very clam pop-tunes..@X02POP@X07

<P><P>

Heh .. looking on irc .. someone is chasing this girl again on irc...

 He really is crushed into her... I wonder if he knows what she's like in real life

 maybe he knows just what friends have told him... @X02FRIENDS@X07
<P><P>


Heh i don't really have real firends i would talk to.

 Yea I get along with my schoolmates very well.. We go to some parties, dance, 

 drink together, but i don't ever tell them anything ...
<P>
 But what about a real friend?

<P>Well.. i have one .. But we talk only about computers & security...

<P>maybe even physics and psihology... Maybe we're talking about ideas, that are great
 but we have never realized single one of them... We have plenty of ideas..
 good ones too

Heh, i talk about school with him, about other things, but never about real life... @X02REAL LIFE@X07
<P>
guess that's because we don't have one... 
<P><P>




Heh going back with my mind to IRC....

This guy is still chasing her.. interesting.. who are they? I talk to them 3 hours 
 a day.. but i don't know a shit about them.
<P>
I know why they are sad... because of school, because of their poor relationships...
<P>
I know why they are happy... because of school, because of their good relationships...
<P>
I know their grades... For some i even know what do they look like
<P>
I know their e-mail adresses ... If i ever need them.. @X02NEED SOMEONE?@X07 

<P><P>

Heh, .. need someone... 
<P>
maybe i should get attached to someone.. get a girlfirend and tell her
 all the deepest and scariest thoughts i have about modern society... 
 and all the nasty stuff about breaking computer security ... and 
everything that is happening lately in my life of a looser, but 

girls aren't interested in computer geeks... that's a fact.. so what...
<P>
Even if one was ... 
<P>
She probably wouldn't understand..  @X02UNDERSTAND@X07


<P><P>
Nobody really understands my urge to know more, to code, to study security. 
Maybe they could if they tried very hard... but they don't ... they 
don't give a fuck... so what...

 Probably nobody understands me, but a fellow loosers...
<P>
I don't understand myself
<P>
that's the way it is... so what...
<P>


Reality check.. it's 11:30 ... damn.. it's geting late..my mother is going to be here
 in hour or two..
<P>
and i didn't even have a breakfast jet...
<P>
i am not even dressed jet...
<P>
Dressing... where did i left those clothes last night? in the bathroom? 
<P>
Making chocholesnik - a food for babyes if you don't know (and junkies and geeks)
<P>
good... it only took me 5 minutes to eat my first meal of the day...
<P>
<P>



Back to real life.. i mean irc...
<P>
nothing new, noone here..
<P>
ok going to web... nothing new here...
<P>
checking e-mail...
<P><P>
Some people still arguing in linux-kernel mailing list whatever they should put
<P>
GGI into kernel or not... so what... 
<P><P>
New way to crush Windows NT boxes found ... so what 
<P><P>
Some people looking for bigger and bigger prime numbers with distributed network 
computing.. they even plan to involve the net in search for extraterrestial 
activities by helping with it's millions of computers connected for analyzing 
signals from outer space.. so what...
<P><P>




Ring... heh.. house bell.. mother came home...
<P><P>


She's very tired after work.. i mean really tired...
<P>
I help her, i carry a few things she bought into the house...
<P>
me: How are you feeling?
<P>
she: Heh, ok...
<P>
    What about you... anything new?
<P>
me: No ... nothing new..
<P><P>


and i go into my room again
<P>
...
<P>
Heh.. My friend bjt is on-line
<P>
heh.. we decided to take a course in Amateur Radio ...
 so we could have some more fun scanning the frequencies.. and maybe free net access... FUN
<P><P>


Heh.. i was having fun... once.. 
<P>
I don't know how i did it.. it was fun.. it is still fun.. but not the way it used to be.. 
guess that's because i am getting older
<P><P>


.. Heh .. 14:00, screams from the kitchen...
<P>
Father is screaming at me, i think he wants me to go there, so we could have
 normal family launch... Heh.. "Just a minute, i'll be right there"... 
i still have to read last two paragraphs of "how to kill a man with bare hands"
<P>
heh... will i ever need this info? probably not... so what
<P><P>
i go to launch..
<P>
ok cool..

Some chatting with them... ok .. I already know i am addicted to computers... 
Why do they keep telling me that?
<P>
Why do they keep telling me that if i don't do something about it, they will?
<P>
Why are they asking me what breed of dog should we buy for grandma's birthday
<P>
i don't care... I'll like it equally no matter what breed will it be...
<P>
why do we make a difference?... always making differences..  
<P><P>


I surf.. i found this page.. @X02F.U.C.K....@X07  which stands for Fucked Up College Kids...
<P>
hmm 500 text files.. that's a lot.. let's see..
<P>
<P>

Hacker Blues..
<P>
heh interesting, ... I agree
<P>
<P>

Lost children...
<P>
I agree too ...
<P>
<P>

fuck0407: Self pity.. 
<P>
hey .. I am like it says.. Fucking looser that is .. well a fucking looser!
<P>
<P>

Well... i got to do something...
<P>
I think... I think @X02HARD@X07
<P>
It's a sunny day outside (haven't noticed it before)
<P>
I'll go somewhere with my bike...
<P>
<P>

I say some last goodbyes from irc.. -huh that took long...
<P>
Ok... i am at the door.. i look back.. i always take my watch with me ALWAYS...
<P>
NOT today...
<P>
Riding a bike...
<P>
It's cold.. Mom said i had to take the jacket... .. but i didn't ...
<P>
my fault .. so what...
<P>
<P>

I go to our grandma's house... heh... I sit behind it .. So noone sees me 
<P>
and think...
<P>
about many different things...
<P>
about life, is it really so bad? yes it is...
<P>
about computers, how will i get into next system? not so easy...
<P>
about love, how would it be if i fall into love? strange probably...
<P>
about parties...
<P>
about ...
<P><P>

Meanwhile i see a neighbour with his dog.. he doesn't see me, but he could ...
 I am sitting on the floor... just sitting, isn't that strange?
<P>
What would he think if he saw me? heh, why do i care..
<P>
I will not care about that any more...
<P>
going back to my old streams of mind... they are switching, merging, 
disappearing and poping up, all at the same time
<P><P>
i am confused...



Heh... i don't know how much time has passed, but i am in the mood to go home ...
so i go...
<P>
First thing to do.. start up comptuer, windows this time... connecting.. 
<P>
Ircing.. ok i didn't miss anything interesting
<P><P>


Chating some more with my cyber friends...
<P>
Reading some more issues of @X02F.U.C.K@X07...
<P>
It gives me something to think. It occupies my mind.. that is good...
<P><P>


Now what to do.. heh.. i don't know maybe going to sleep.. 
<P>
what's the time?
<P>
20:00?
<P>
already.. bad... Haven't done anything today yet...
<P>
<P>

noone interesting is coming to irc today... well.. i'll surf
<P>
i turn on Winplay... and put on some tunes i think i will like...
<P>
Heh.. i don't .. i like this tune.. runaway or something...
<P><P>


Now let me think what will i do now...
<P>
i'll probably talk some more with my cyber friends...
<P>
heh.. I talk all the time, but nobody really knows anything about me...
<P>
so what...
<P>
Nobody can hurt me this way.. i am compleatly safe...
<P>
noone can hurt me... that's maybe luck...  @X02LUCK@X07
<P><P>


Heh.. i could even consider myself lucky...
<P>
<P>

... I don't have any money problems... I have my schollarship 
 and it suits me well. Wasting it for new computer periphals
<P>
 Well.. I have a blasting speed computer here.. but i need a notebook so i could
 do some wire taps & stuff like it.

<P>
<P>


Damn  I don't know what i am gonna do when i finish hi-school... Heh almost 2 years 
till then... so what...
<P>
I'll go to computer college and maybe even learn something really new.. @X02NEW@X07
<P>
<P>

Heh .. and what has been new lately in my life?
<P>
Heh.. i am writing this text.. that's new! I never done anything like this before
<P>
I wrote some poetry, that was in my humble opinion totaly stupid, becouse i fear
<P>
of disclosing information about myself...
<P>
While i am writing this i am listening to interesting music...
<P>
"Runaway", i don't really care who is performing it...
<P>
It is playing over and over .. maybe 10 times in a row now...
<P>
In mp3 format of course...
<P>
heh i forgot to change it.. so what...  @X02CHANGE@X07
<P><P>


One day.. @X02I WILL CHANGE@X07
<P>
I will get a motivation for life, i don't know what's it gonna be.
But it's coming ... with light speed.. Don't know when will it hit me. 
Just hearing the rocket.. far far away.. locked onto my head 
to blow it up and to start a new life out of ashes of my current mind
<P>
I will probably stay a computer maniac but in other ways I will change...
<P>
But i will change, i'll get @X02MOTIVATED@X07 .. sooner or later



<P>
<P>


...
<P>

i'll probably send this text to one or two friends, they'll maybe say it's funny
 but it has lots of grammar mistakes... Then it will be forgoten...
 But what i think currently is written here.. and when i change
<P>

i could maybe laugh at this. so what.... MAYBE.

<P>
<P>


there's always a final maybe...
<P>

Nothing is certain...
<P>

Maybe i won't go to irc right now, maybe i'll do something for school,
<P>

but just @X02MAYBE@X07
<P>

<P>


And maybe... If you read this text, you won't make the same mistake that I did 
you'll never get involved with computers... or is it too late for you who 
are reading this...? well.. who cares... <P>
or is this just a stage of development of the perfectly normal teenager of 
the generation X <P><P>

NORMAL????

<P>
<P>
<P>








Future is not ours to know, future is ours to make - MinMax
<P>
<P>

 

- and by the way.. i switched music to : Enigma - Return to innocence.. 
<P>

i want to be a child again... 
<P>
<P>

@X0B
<FONT DECO>
 MinMax 
<P>@X0C
(Septic Productions / X-seed) 