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                                     9 February to 13 February 1998 
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13 February, 10.45am est: 
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    Stephen Hawking Uses BeOS to Redefine Quantum Mechanics 
    Theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking has rocked the scientific world by disproving Heisenberg's
    Uncertainly Principle, thereby dismantling the very foundation of the mathematical theory of the structure
    and behavior of atoms, quantum mechanics. 

    "As first stated by the German physicist Werner Heisenberg, the uncertainty principle says you can't
    simultaneously measure both the position and velocity of a particle with perfect accuracy. This means that
    no one can ever predict precisely the future behavior of a particle because it's impossible to measure the
    particle's current state exactly," explained Hawking. 

    The breakthrough came soon after Hawking began using the BeOS after being impressed by a demo of
    Attraction and 3D Starchart. He began designing programs to create visual representations of abstract
    concepts such as black holes, singularities and wormholes. 

    "While developing these applications, I was impressed by the raw power of the BeOS and began using it
    in all aspects of my work." 

    After obtaining an quad-processor machine and clearing though a backlog of work in a matter of weeks,
    Hawking then decided to tackle the Uncertainty Principle. 

    "The problem is that the uncertainty principle does not simply state that scientists don't yet have the
    proper equipment to measure positions and velocities: instead, the very process of performing the
    measurement changes those quantities. So I knew I had to develop some pretty tricky algorithms to get
    around this." 

    After months of research and experimentation (and the incidental creation of sever new branches of
    mathematics), Hawking's team succeeded in measuring both positions and velocities of several particles,
    all without changing the qualities during the observation. 

    "In layman's terms what we do is create sort of a 'wormhole camera' that creates a special state around
    the particle that lets us make our observations and get out before the particle realizes it has been
    observed. It effectively takes zero time. Thus, the state is preserved. The speed and coordination for this
    process was impossible before the BeOS came along," Hawking explained. 

    More details will be presented in the scientific journal Nature next month. Hawking also plans to present
    a Grand Unified Theory of Everything, that will explain all the mysteries of the past, present and future
    universe as we know it, in the same issue. 

    "Now that we have the Uncertainly Principle out of the way, developing a Grand Unified Theory of
    Everything is mostly busy work," Hawking said. 

12 February, 10.10am est: 
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    BeOS Brings Endangered Species Back From Brink of Extinction 
    Officials at New York's Bronx Zoo are happy to announce the successful mating of two rare Chinese Red
    Pandas - the first successful mating of the species in captivity. 

    "This marks a turnaround for this wonderful species," Bronx Zoo director Martin Hayes stated, "and we
    owe it all to the power of the BeOS." 

    According to animal behavioral experts, the problem with animals in captivity is that they are usually not
    relaxed enough to mate. The unusual surroundings or possible conflict with the intended mate can
    override the "natural drive" to procreate. 

    In the past, zoologists have tried everything from soft music to romantic lighting to entice endangered
    animals to mate, with varying degrees of success. However, in the case of the red pandas, nothing was
    working. 

    "We tried all of the traditional methods with [the red pandas] T'sing and Li Chi, but nothing was working.
    Then we read an article about how Tibetan monks have adopted SineClock running under the BeOS as
    their new relaxation standard. It seemed like a crazy idea, but we were pretty desperate at the time,"
    said Hayes. 

    SineClock was downloaded and installed on a BeOS machine that was being used for advanced data
    modeling of the migratory patterns of African rhinos. The scientists patched it into some external
    speakers in the red pandas' den. 

    "While the sound seemed soothing to me, personally, I was skeptical of the effect it
    would have on the pandas. But to our delight the panda soon began to approach each
    other and within ten minutes, were working hard towards the survival of their species. It
    was truly a miracle," gushed Hayes. 

    Hayes then conducted tests with other animals. "Across the board, the effects were
    spectacular. Lemurs, okapi, sloths, geckos, you name it, these animals started getting
    it on to the sounds of SineClock." 

    The new method is being adopted by zoos around the word, and scientists expect to
    save thousands of species of animals from extinction. 

    "In the interest of scientific testing, I will be setting up SineClock in my bedroom tonight," Hayes
    concluded. 

11 February, 11.01am est: 
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    Disaster Narrowly Averted at SD '98 
    Software Development '98 Conference and Expo, a gathering of software development professionals, was
    the scene of near tragedy yesterday as part of the flooring structure collapsed under the stress of
    overzealous conference attendees. 

    At 2.37pm (pst) the floor around the booth of Be Inc., started to buckle, causing expo attendees and Be
    employees alike to scramble for safety. Fortunately, everyone reached safety before the ground totally
    gave way and collapsed in a cloud of dust. 

    "We are investigating the probable cause of collapse," stated SD'98 Director Eric Faurot, "but highly
    suspect the collapse was due to the unprecedented activity around the Be booth since the start of the
    expo Tuesday morning". 

    The "unprecedented activity" started soon after the expo door opened. A crowd soon gathered around the
    Be booth. Instead of looking and moving on, attendees would be drawn in by the powerful performance of
    the BeOS. 

    "It was like a New York subway at rush hour," said one attendee, describing the crowds. "Everyone was
    packing in to get a closer look at how much performance the BeOS was squeezing out of the hardware". 

    Officials suspect the real problem came when Be "Demo God" Alex Osadzinski added to the stress on the
    floor by working the crowd into what they call "a religious-like fervor". "It was like a tent revival meeting,
    what with all the whooping and hollering," said bemused officials. "By showing off the BeOS with such
    abandon, Mr. Osadzinski had people stomping on the floor and jumping up and down". 

    "We of course regret the damage to the Moscone Center and are thankful that no one was injured," stated
    Be Inc. CEO Jean-Louis Gasse, "but are not surprised at the people's reaction to an operating system
    packing a lot more power than they have imagined possible, based on their current OS performance". 

    The Be booth was relocated to an area with specially reinforced flooring that officials claim can withstand
    weeks of heavy traffic, jumping and stomping. 

    "We'll just see about that," a grinning Osadzinski said. 

10 February, 11.10am est: 
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    Iraq Admits Defeat When Confronted with BeOS 
    In a complete about-face in policy, Iraq has agreed to comply completely with United Nations weapons
    inspectors. The turning point came when Iraqui intelligence agents discovered the US Military has begun
    using the BeOS for all its weapons systems and wargame simulations. 

    "They have right on their side and they will defend their country and they will use their weapons in the
    best way," Iraq's Defense Minister Gen. Sultan Hashim Ahmed said of the Iraqi troops, "but that means
    nothing in the face of the superior power of the BeOS. We dare not go up against symmetric
    multiprocessing, protected memory and pervasive multitasking." 

    In a statement made before the UN Security Council today, Iraq has promised to open all areas to UN
    inspection teams, including previously forbidden "presidential sites". 

    "Not only will we welcome inspection teams to these areas," General Ahmed stated, "we will welcome
    them with parades, songs and cold drinks, as long as the threat of a BeOS coordinated military strike is
    not carried out." 

    Surveillance satellites confirm that the Iraqis are folding up their tents and going home. Troops are being
    withdrawn, and "military exercises" have ceased. Weapons, ranging from bazookas to slingshots, are
    being deposited in the street for the UN team to collect. 

    Be Inc. CEO, Jean-Louis Gasse, is happy to see the BeOS being used as a tool for diplomacy alongside
    other, more traditional tools: "Obviously, you do not have to use the BeOS exclusively when it comes to
    diplomacy, as it was designed to complement, not replace. However, this situation certainly demonstrates
    the kick-ass advantages of using just the BeOS." 

    The United Nations inspection team boarded a plane to Iraq this morning, and plan to waste no time in
    dismantling any Iraqi weapon arsenals. 

    "We are really, really sorry. Really. You are welcome to search anywhere you like, not excluding body
    cavities," Ahmed added. 

9 February, 1.30pm est: 
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    BMessage Source Discovered in Mu Andromeda Region 
    The SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence) community is abuzz with the news of a possible contact
    from intelligence of non-earth origin. In a public news release, Project Phoenix reveals that the BeOS is
    directly responsible for this revolutionary breakthrough. 

    "We are always looking at how new technology can serve the project," Project Director Dr. Jill C. Tarter
    states, "so we added a machine running the impressive BeOS operating system to our network. We
    thought its speed and multi-media capabilities would offer great advantages in the fields of statistical
    analysis and three-dimensional data display." 

    However, none anticipated the BeOS would lead to developments that have government officials and
    media alike swarming to the West Bank, VA facility. While the project staff soon became addicted to the
    power of the BeOS, the turning point came only when a staff member installed message_daemon, which
    "provides a means of exchanging BMessages with other networked BeOS machines," explains
    message_daemon author Jason D. Gosnell. 

    "After the installation of message_daemon, the BeOS started acting strangely," says Dr. Peter R. Backus,
    Software Manager for Project Phoenix. "Investigation revealed that the BeOS was reacting to remote
    BMessages." 

    According to the Be Book, a BMessage bundles information so that it can be conveyed from one
    application to another, one thread of execution to another, or even one object to another. 

    The Project Phoenix team has called in top cryptology experts to help decode the message the BMessages
    contain. While it was not revealed exactly what actions the BMessages contained, it was stated that
    "they are definitely non-random in nature, and were detected while the radio telescopes were studying Mu
    Andromeda." 

    "I just hope that any extraterrestrial intelligence does not turn away when it discovers how widespread
    the Windows OS is," Tarter added. 

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